Review paradise, covering the latest and greatest releases in cinemas and living rooms, with a detailed look at the newest graphic novels/comic books, music and video games. If it came out this year, we've probably reviewed it...
I’m gonna be honest here and say something that some people will think is controversial or think is a load of bollocks and such, but i like Kevin Smith. I like his films, i like his books, i especially like his podcasts, and I just rather like everything he’s done, like the Reaper pilot, cameos in Fanboys and many others flicks too. I just enjoy his work and he makes me laugh on a very basic level. I can read his books, listen to him on the podcasts and i can watch his films and everything makes me laugh. It’s very hard to find a person who can do that on so many levels. And I’ve seen him live twice and he is easily better than most comedians I’ve seen. And now onto his latest directorial piece, named Cop Out, formally called A Couple of Dicks. Starring the awesome Bruce Willis and the talented and underused Tracy Morgan, and the on-off Seann William Scott, in a tale about cops who go in search of a baseball card and end up in a whole heap of trouble.
It’s got a basic premise; Morgan and Willis play partners in the police department who after foiling an undercover drugs bust get suspended. A baseball card that Willis had is stolen, and its worth a lot of money, that money was going to be used to pay for his daughter’s wedding. They go on a chase to try to find the card, along the way become friends with the thief, Scott, a gang of Mexicans, who in the end are the bad guys. It’s very funny and the pacing is wonderful for a comedy action film. Don’t expect mass amounts of action, but it’s very Die Hard and 80’s cop pieces. It takes those films and adds next twists, updating the genre. The genre here is new for Smith, something he has never done before and kudos to him for doing a decent job. It’s not amazing, but it’s funny. Moments are laugh out loud and are worth a second or third viewing, but some parts lack.
Overall, a good film with some strong comedy acting from Willis and stand out performance from Morgan (and if you haven’t seen 30 Rock, go kill yourself!). Smith shows he can direct a studio flick instead of his indie type pictures he’s made in his career, so i look forward to the next one he creates. The look is very different to the past, and with more money underneath him, he can show that he isn’t just a one track pony, with dick and fart jokes. Which by the way, i think are funny. A decent dick and fart joke is probably better than any Scary Movie and all those parody films combined over the last ten years. They suck balls.
American: The Bill Hicks Story – Matt Harlock and Paul Thomas
An unknown release, only showing in certain “indie” cinemas, only for two days. It’s a shamble. Sure it’s a documentary about an American comedian who died many years ago made by his family and showing his birth to his death, but the mans a comedy legend. Without him, many comedians today wouldn’t exist. If you haven’t seen Bill Hicks stand up, please, close this down now, go onto YouTube or whatever video site you use and please watch all of them. It will blow your mind. The guy just pours out hatred but what comes with it, is truth. He’s the most truthful, hard hitting comedian you’ll meet. And he died at the age of 32. It’s a pity. If he was still around today, he’d be world renowned. And what’s marks this release of the film, is that Hicks was more successful in the UK than the US. Why isn’t the release bigger and showing in more places? I saw it on a Wednesday night, in a small cinema, sitting about 30 people. And the screening was fully booked. Surely it shows the audience that has always loved his work and would love to hear more about him?
The documentary follows the life and death of Hicks, using photos from all ages and animating them in scenes the family and friends of Hicks describes. Inserted video footage of Hicks performing live also appears and gives great breaks from learning about him and showing what Hicks was born to do: entertain. From the ups and downs, when he first took drugs to when his slot on David Letterman wasn’t aired, compared to most comedians, Hick’s life isn’t as bad as you think. It’s mostly full of funny moments, showing that Hicks loved to perform, from an early age he had the bug for it. And up to his death, he just wanted to express his opinions and be counted. His early death at the age of 32 is horrifying to think that people won’t be able to see Hicks live, and i myself am truly gutted never to have seen him. He’s always named as one of the best stand up comedians in lists made throughout the world, including ones where comedians name people in the industry who they love, Hicks has always been top or near about.
So check this documentary out somewhere, maybe not in the cinema, but on DVD, because you’ll realise that you’ve missed out on one of the greatest comedians of all time, and the film expresses the true Hicks, in an eye-opening way. Not once was i bored or not interested, it’s a beautifully crafted piece with real heart and passion.
A late review yes, but only just peeping it out on DVD, it deserved to be recognised. A film that breaks the mould of the hooligan film, well kinda, it doesn’t focus on it too much. It’s more about the comedy, more about capturing the era, the early nineties, the late eighties, showing the horrible fashion sense, the music and the times when it mattered. The firms of West Ham and Millwall, sure, they’ve always had bad press, talking about fans attacking other fans and police. But let’s not get too into that, it’s been done to death in the papers, especially being a Millwall fan myself, its shit how many times the media have to jump onto the bandwagon of hatred towards the club. The film does have scenes of violence but it paints the time it happens, not now. Its twenty years ago, the kind of thing happens and wasn’t in the media as much before it was blown out of the water by the exposure of it all.
The film follows a young West Ham fan who becomes a friend to the head of the firm, some admiration on his part, makes do pretty much what the head firm guy wants, changing his attire, attending anything he wants, the young kid has a strange connection with him. Mix in scenes with the family giving him stick for it, and throw in some fights and violence and that’s the film. It’s not got a lot of detail to it, but it’s good. I enjoyed it a lot more than other films about the subject. It’s better than Green Street but not as good as Football Factory. But it serves a different audience. More on a comedic level. It’s written and directed by Nick Love, who directed The Business and other such Danny Dyer films, and he pulls away from the pit that could have put him in and made something decent. Other people may disagree with my views on the film, calling it shit and predictable. Sure it has a poor ending, it’s not dramatic enough, but it’s still a good funny film. Plus it’s filed in my local areas, places I’ve walked through and know of. It’s a good reminder of my roots and where i come from. So go check it out, you might enjoy it, you might not, but what am i though? I’m just a Millwall fan who likes to watch films. MIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLWWWWWAAAAALLLLLLL!
Your probably wondering what the title of the review is about. Well i believe that Paranormal Activity would be condensed into like about 5 to 10 minutes. Sounds strange yes with all the reviews and how many people believe it to be a smash hit and how amazing it is. And I’m not denying it. But if they used the ten minutes that i loved and spread it out, like used that as a template and placed the ten minutes of awesome throughout, then the film would have been an instant classic, which to some people it already has because of the low cost and high amounts of money it made. It’s going to start a trend of low budget horror films that show that a decent script, good performances and a decent new director could lead to something magical. Which i guess has always been there, but it depends on the backing of the studios. It depends if the studios can back something that on paper won’t be successful. So back to the film, yes its horrible, yes its genuinely terrifying especially the parts with her standing over her husband and the ending (depends on which one you saw!), but it’s a decent horror film, it scares. But the pace is off for me. It takes almost an hour before something scary happens. And for a horror film, that’s way too long. Far too long.
Two characters star in the film, a couple, moving into a new house, the girlfriend experiences strange goings on, tell the guy, he films them sleeping, sees some strange stuff. They both begin to believe that the house is haunted. Some twists follow and some appearances from a priest and a psychic, both believe something gravely is happening. This leads to the best ten minutes of the film, i won’t ruin it, but you’ll see what i mean. It’s fucking scary. I was watching it with my brother who is 27, and I’m 20. We are both grown men. We aren’t scared, but I’m being truthful here, we were watching it behind pillows and behind our hands that were covering our faces. It’s horrible. But in a good way, not in a human centipede way. The performances are from unknown actors, giving that even unknowns can play the roles way, the guy comes off as a bit of a dick, but that’s intentional i believe; the scene with the board and insisting on continuing to use it, you’ll want to throw your own shit or vomit at the screen to slap some sense into him.
It got great reviews, many people liked it, and it’s good. Don’t go in expecting something crazy great like the first Saw, but you’ll enjoy it. I just hope they don’t turn into Saw by having a shit version of it every year for the next ten years. Would ruin a good film. My breath is being held for Paranormal Activity 2.
I love Jeff Bridges, i really do, the man is a living legend, and I would any film with him in it, especially his films of the last ten years. And i love Tron. It clearly stems from that film and his awesome geeky performance. Now, with the revitalising career, he’s being placed in films, left, right and centre, playing the villain in Iron Man, then getting award nods for Crazy Heart (the review coming very soon) and now with this, Men Who Stare At Goats, and he’s not even the lead man, George Clooney is. Bridges here does steal the show in every scene he’s in, but it’s with the likes of Clooney, Ewan McGregor and Kevin Spacey, something like a legend Bridges can do. Playing a spaced out hippy who believes that mind powers exist and that people can be used to kill terrorists. It’s very funny. The reason i chose to see it, is because of the lead actors. Clooney in Up in the Air and Fantastic Mr Fox gave me hope that he is decent and not some good-looking guy just playing on it and some ER reject. Harsh words i know. McGregor is a hit and miss for me. Trainspotting is awesome, Down With Love, not so much. Star Wars Episode 3, Revenge of the Sith, big fan, episode 1 and 2, i want to kill him. So ups and downs. Spacey is great in mostly everything and his turn of being the dicky villain works.
A highly secret unit of soldiers in the war were created to combat soldiers in a different form: through the mind. Set up by Bridges character, he recruits Clooney and Spacey, a bit of rivalry occurs between the two and leads to the program being destroyed. A few years later, a writer, McGregor, wants to write a story about the war, he goes to the country and happens to bump into Clooney. They begin to talk and McGregor wants to write the story of the whole thing, get it published. They delve deeper into the program and find results that are shocking. Very funny, very political and very now. It has messages about the war happening now, almost making fun of it. And it’s good to see intelligent humour once again but does have points of slapstick, stoner comedy elements.
Overall, a decent film, something just to switch into, it won’t change your view or become an instant classic, but it’s funny. i didn’t have high hopes for it, so was pleasantly surprised, go into the film expecting nothing and you’re guaranteed to come away happy.
Now, let’s start with the whole logic behind this next review. I’ve seen the trailers, I’ve seen the news coverage and I’ve seen other people’s reviews of it. I went into thinking it was going to be okay, kinda like a mix between Hostel and Saw films with added gore for a low budget affair. And i wasn’t expecting it to be brilliant, and it isn’t, it’s a low budget fluff film that has a concept that will blow your mind. Sure there are massive faults, like the slow pacing, the half dramatic ending, and the shoddy acting, but i guess when the only characters who can talk is a fucking mad scientist and a Chinese guy who doesn’t speak English, the script isn’t going to be strong. Onto the concept. I’ve watched a lot of horror films, some have shocked and scared me, Blair Witch when it first came out, Evil Dead, Cannibal Holocaust, Dawn of the Dead, Braindead, all of these have aspects of shock and gore and blood, but Human Centipede has something that i never expected, utter terror. Utter terror of the idea that a “normal” human being actually thought about this and even gave its “100% medical accurate” stamp of approval. Sure, horror writers have thought of some fucked up things, but this, sticking three human beings together by the anus and the mouth, its stuff you would find on the internet with two girls, one cup or scat porn.*
The story follows a mad German doctor (it always has to be them doesn’t it, the mad German doctors who just can’t be normal doctors willing to help the sick and needy), who after many years of fantasying about things being stuck together, finally moves from using animals to using humans. He captures three people, sticks them together and bang, there’s the film. Yes the plot is that thread-bare, it’s more of the shock of actually seeing three humans stuck that way, just an hour’s worth of glory shots of the “human centipede”. The process of the human centipede is where there are three people. All lined up on their knees, the first person facing forward on knees, the next person behind them, their mouth attached to the first person’s anus via taking skin and muscle from the knee cap and attaching it to the face and bum. The third person is then attached to the second’s person’s anus using skin from the knee again. And there we have it. The Human Fucking Centipede. Doesn’t it just make you sick?
And on a final note, don’t watch it whilst eating.
*Now for legal purposes and for reputation purposes, obviously, I’m going by rumour and myth here and do not watch scat porn and have never seen two girls, one cup. Yes, I’m coming forward and saying I’ve never seen it.
Over the recent decade, London filmmakers have been showing the city to be gritty, full of crime, violence, alcohol abuse, drug taking, underage sex, horrible, horrible things occurring throughout. Now growing up in London, sure i was exposed to certain things, some bad, but I’m sure everyone has. Films like Kidulthood and Adulthood were new to the audiences, giving teenagers a voice, showing them how they talked, and what happened. And with Harry Brown, it shows it too. It gives young people, who are the sort who watch these films, emulate it and such, that’s how they really act. Now I’m not saying its all teenagers, but a strong group of them. They cause violence and live life like they own it. And it’s horrible. I’m sure we’ve all been there, getting mugged by a chav or some dickhead who’s been underage drinking or something. And to have a hero like Michael Caine, appear and fuck them up, makes it ten times better. I wouldn’t have it any other way, other than the legend that is Michael fucking Caine.
It follows Michael, a pensioner, a widow, living on a shitty London estate. Local gangs run the place, causing havoc and terrorising anyone who crosses their path. Events lead Caine to get revenge and find the members who killed his best friend, the caretaker from Harry Potter. It’s gruesome, it’s shocking and most of all, the audience agree with Caine. They want him to succeed, they want him to fuck these little immature teenagers and show them that their ways have to stop. Add some cameos from that “hard” guy from Skins plus a great character played by the rapper Plan B, last seen in the okay Kidulthood. His performance is great, he plays it well, you can see he hasn’t done it because of his fame but because he actually has some talent. I just hope Dappy from N Dubz doesn’t want to be the next big British actor; otherwise, we are all fucked!
And on a final note, i apologise for the amount of swearing in this review, i just get that way talking about LAAAAANNNNDDDDOOOONNNN Town, as Amy Winehouse once said. Every time i go back, i act all cockney, and i guess with this film, it brings back memories, not always well, but i guess liveable. The film has been likened to Gran Torino, a similar tale in America starring Clint Eastwood as Michael Caine in the situation, taking the law into his own hands. I must admit before seeing Harry Brown, i wasn’t looking forward to something good, i was surprised, as I’m sure you will be too, and defiantly check out Gran Torino if you like it too.
Appearing out of nowhere, the latest Jared Hess creation appears in UK cinemas this week after finally getting the distribution deal. Does it deserve it? Does it deserve to be released in the cinemas to massive audiences, audiences who loved Napoleon Dynamite and semi-enjoyed Nacho Libre? The answer is sorta yes. Napoleon Dynamite is a fantastic film, one that I’m sure everyone you know loves and probably quotes on a regular bases. Seriously, it’s that good. Nacho Libre, a hit and miss with certain people, of course people hate Jack Black for no reason, so most of the hatred comes from people really disliking him, but overall, it’s a decent film. I like it. But it’s no Napoleon Dynamite. Now with Gentlemen Broncos, a similar style and technical piece, crafted using the Hess model, strange characters, doing mundane things in a slightly weird manner. The lead characters are outcasts, regular, normal people. Not action heroes or loveable romantics, just regular people, and that’s the connection the audience get with these people. They are them. But unfortunately, after seeing the same film three times, but with just different names and different actors, it feels tired. The “trying too hard to impress” badge has been waivered here because it’s a decent film, but just feels like it’s trying too much to be a part of the that group. Similar to Wes Anderson, but with his films, they grow, they become something different and better. Ever Wes Anderson fan has a favourite of the collection, different emotional feelings for each one. Hess fans just dig Napoleon.
The story follows Benjamin, who is a science fiction writer, who writes a massive novel about a yeast lord, who is played, by the saving grace of this film, Sam Rockwell, who acts out scenes from the book. And anyway, his idea gets stolen by two parties, one with a girl who Ben likes and they want to turn into a film, which turns out to be shit and the other, a well known writer, played by Jermaine Clement, as seen in Flight of the Conchords, who turns it into a strangely gay science fiction piece. As mentioned before the scenes with Rockwell acting out the novel are the best parts, both the straight version and the overly camp version. Clement i wished would have stolen the show. Any film with him in it, makes it ten times better in my eyes, but to find out that it doesn’t go that well for him, it’s not great. I just hope his film career isn’t ruined by this film! Eagle vs. Shark is his finest hour!
But overall the film is okay, it’s watchable, but it will make you question Hess and his film legacy, will he be remembered for being a one hit wonder or leave a stamp of great films? I hope it’s the later.
Now let’s begin this review with a quick note. I love Wes Anderson and all of his films. He’s an inspiration for my writing and for my work as a writer and director and I’m sure he has that affect for many people in this generation, the generation of facebook, top shop clothing, cider and black, Playstation 3/x-box 360 and hard drugs. Was that right? Anyway, he’s work is amazing, throughout, someone who hasn’t dropped the ball and keeps getting better. Your probably wondering why this little note was added, well because I’m against certain people. The people, who will literally steal the style from Wes, steal the awkwardness and characteristics of the work. I hate those people who think that by taking other peoples originality and spawning into something fucking unbelievable shit. And i know, just around the corner in the next twenty years, his work will be copied and I’m sure you know of at least one or two films that are blatant doing this. Fucking protest against them!
Now back to the review of the adaptation of the well loved Ronald Dahl book The Fantastic Mr Fox. A classic along with Biff and Chip, Harry Potter and The Hungry Caterpillar. The book is wonderful, a great read for children, something to cherish in the younger years. And the film, well let’s say the film is a different vehicle altogether. I don’t think you can really class them as the same. I would just say that Wes Anderson has taken the characters and setting and cloaked it over a Wes Anderson story and script. You could pretty much do the film without puppets and it would feel like Life Aquatic or Darjeeling. And that’s why I’m not going to associate the two together. I’m not going to reference the book for the idea of the film or the characteristics and how they act, because it’s two separate things and in that aspect, people looking for the adaptation to be close to the original source will be gravely disappointed. It’s not a Where The Wild Things Are type of film. But removing it from its source and now looking at it, solely as a film by Wes Anderson, it’s wonderful and it’s a great film. The direction, the acting, the pacing, the music, most aspects are covered and it becomes very enjoyable for both younger and older viewers. The voice talent on show is of course down to Anderson, casing Bill Murray, Jason Swartzman, Owen Wilson along with the wonderfully funny George Clooney, which was a piece of great casting.
The film tells the story of Mr Fox, voiced by Clooney who steals from three local factories, one making chickens, one making cold meats, and the last making apple cider. The three factory owners are horrible looking, sadistic people, who want the fox dead and begin to battle with the fox and his family to destroy him. It’s a pretty simple premise but crafted brilliantly. I really do recommend peeking this out along with Where The Wild Things Are, both great adaptations of children books.
Here are another bumper selection of trailers from the world of movies and stuff. Yeahhhh! Gonna throw in a couple more you haven't seen because of the lack of trailers over the last couple of weeks, so i'm hopeful they will please!
Cemetery Junction – Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant
Looking at Gervais film past, it’s not looking good. His TV work will always be his best; you can’t really beat The Office and the Extras. I love both, and i love his stand up too, it’s defiantly a standard for the rest of the comedy world. To be that funny and not many people do. Seeing him live as well, you can tell he’s genuinely funny. But his film choices have been lacklustre to say the least. The Invention of Lying? It was bad, it had a great cast, but i don’t remember once laughing out loud like i have done for everything he’s done. I’m not a massive fan of the Night at the Museum films, its childish fun i guess, but it’s not something i would exclaim as being wonderful. Ghost Town was decent, it wasn’t amazing, but it was okay. It had scenes where it showed the potential Gervais has in films, but it seems only after three films that he’s playing the same character. And with the newly released Cemetery Junction, would Gervais be the lead and steal the show playing the same character he is seemingly trying to place in all of his roles?
The answer is no, he doesn’t take the lead in the film but he does play a different character. I think he plays it perfectly, a dad type figure, someone who isn’t embarrassed or a social outcast, he’s a factory worker, and he plays it well. Not being the lead, Gervais allows three unknowns to take the centre stage playing Freddie, Bruce and Snork. They are wonderful new actors, each with different characteristics, and each having their paths in the film, sometimes its twist and turns you can’t see coming but overall it’s a refreshing thing to see. The film is basically about three lads in Reading, living in the 70’s who want to get out of the town after becoming bored of working nine to five, drinking and fighting. Each one has a different story of what they want to do and each one has a successful ending. It also has strong performances from Ralph Fiennes or Lord Voldemort as he is known on the street, Julia Davis, Emily Watson and Matthew Goode. The music is stand out too for a British film, showing true talent in the musicians and songs chosen to represent that era.
I reckon the idea came from Merchant who i believe to be the sensible one, the one with the writing talents and directing skills. The one who puts Gervais on the right path to creating something successful and funny. But maybe I’m wrong, we will have to see his next film or television show, see if it turns out to be a pile of shit or something decent.
It has a comic book kind of themes to it; you can imagine this being a series where the lead character over a period of time saves the world and everything. Archangel Michael, yes that legend, comes to Earth to save something from somebody that could somehow something something. Yeah i didn’t really care, as soon as the film had an old woman say the c word. Yes the c word. Please, just watch it for that scene. It’s hilarious. The actress who played her is now my favourite actor of all time, better than Paul Dano! I know, it’s that good. But i guess i should review the whole film, not just that scene, but if they could of, give that woman a whole film just to swear, bite people and just generally cause fucking havoc.
The wonderful Paul Bettany stars, who i rate for the actor; I’ve always appreciated his work, even though sometimes it shows us that he has only been picked for his looks. But when he’s on form, he really does steal it. And making this type of film in Hollywood, a clear showing how he can do action. How he can be the next Stallone or Willis. But i think he’s better than that. I don’t see from looking at the script, the lack of dialogue and sometimes even decent dialogue can’t be seen. The story follows a woman who is pregnant and the kid could stop the world from dying? Or something or about how God wants the kid to die because of what it means? And Michael comes down from heaven and helps the child survive a brutal killing from hundreds of zombie humans who have been taken over by God to help kill the child. They hold up in a diner in the middle of a desert with the guy from Transformers, the woman from Grey’s Anatomy, a girl from The OC and Dennis Quaid. It’s an ensemble cast from various other things and it’s shocking to see the normally decent Quaid in this type of vehicle. It ends the way you think, with a lot of random violence and action.
Looking at the basic idea for the film, it could easily work, but sadly, there is nothing in it. It had the same fate for 30 Days of Night. Many people believe that a great idea leads to an awesome film, sadly not the case. Although i quite enjoyed 30 Days Of Night, but its swings and roundabouts. Check this film out if you have nothing to do, actually wait, i don’t even suggest doing that, there are millions of great films out there to watch, don’t waste your time (but do watch the scene with the old lady, it’s bad shit funny!).
Watching this film for the second film after seeing it in the cinema and then again on Blu-Ray, you find little things that you may not have seen on the first viewing. This happens for most films. You pick up on things that improve the viewing, showcasing the acting or the direction. But sometimes, watching a film again, it makes it show its true face, you know, when you watch it again and it becomes laughable. Like recently, checked out the director’s cut Blu-Ray version of Watchmen. It was bad. I remember seeing it at the IMAX in London, and it was good, it wasn’t amazing, but it was good. Now i agree with some people saying it’s very boring. Anyway, back to Zombieland, another dose of Jesse Eisenberg with the recent review of Adventureland, here he plays a more confident type, but still shit at love. He’s the new version of Michael Cera, the middle-class version. It’s strange how both these actors have made a living being the uncomfortable geeky type. They both play it well, but it will get to a point where they will become utterly annoying. I love both actors, so we’ll see how it fairs.
Anyway, back to the review, and the plot of the film is simple, Eisenberg who plays Columbus, lives in a world infested with zombies and meets Tallahassee, Woody Harrelson’s character and they form a friendship in helping them get to a certain place. On the travel to these places they bump into the sisters Little Rock and Wichita, played by Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin, yes the kids from Superbad and Little Miss Sunshine. They all have place names to show where they are from, so they can show how far they’ve travelled trying to find a place to stay and hole up because of the millions of zombies after their flesh. Each actor brings a different style of comedy and acting, and it works brilliantly, all actors started from independent films that focused on acting and showcased how good these cats are and here they are allowed to show their funny bones with Harrelson stealing the show. A lot better than his strange cameo in 2012. Also look out for the hilarious Bill Murray cameo, which almost steals the whole film.
It’s a great film to check out with friends and it’s a decent piece to add to the zombie survival genre, being genuinely funny, not as good as Shaun of the Dead, but it’s very close to being. Out of the two, Adventureland and Zombieland, i prefer Zombieland, so go check it out for the weekend if your bored.
Jesse Eisenberg is a hero of mine. And with heroes, i can’t really say anything bad about them. And luckily, there is nothing bad to say about him, his acting, his career and especially this film, as it’s really great. It’s a lovely summer film, with an iconic soundtrack, a great cast and some really funny scenes. Maybe the inclusion of K-Stew or Kristen Stewart will want to rip your eyes out of your socket, but surprisingly she isn’t as annoying here then when she’s gallivanting in a fucking forest with that Pattinson lad. Here she kinda owns it a little. But when the cast around you are Eisenberg, Bill Hader, Kristin Wiig and mother fucking Dead Pool himself, Ryan Reynolds, its hard not to be funny. It’s gonna be in the air most of the time. I loved Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Parlour on Trouble, and Reynolds was fucking funny. I grew up with him. And then starred in amazing films like Blade 3, Van Wilder, Waiting, Just Friends, Smoking Aces, The Nines, Defiantly, Maybe, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and filming at the moment, The Green Lantern, sure, it sounds like a shit career, but i loved like 90% of those. I respect the man, he married Scarlett Johansson for fuck sake, and the dude deserves credit.
Set in 1987, it follows Eisenberg’s character, James Brennan, after graduating from college and finding that he wants to go to Europe and then University, he finds a summer job at Adventureland, the local amusement park owned by Hader and Wiig. There he meets Kristen Stewart’s character and they instantly have a connection of being wandering lonely souls who are stuck in a shit town. Throw in Ryan Reynolds, a local player on the amusement park who sleeps with pretty much anyone, and the relationship of Reynolds and Stewart is teased in front of Eisenberg and really, just little scenes that are sometimes funny, sometimes romantic occur. It’s a decent film, with a decent plot, we’ve seen it before, but it’s the way the characters act and the interactions that make this film what it is. The soundtrack as well is very memorable, and the older audiences will defiantly recognise some of the hits.
Overall, it’s a good summer film, it has set pieces that will make you smile, and think of the summers you’ve had, chasing the girl or guy of your dreams, listening to certain songs or albums, going to parties meeting new people, drinking copious amounts of booze, wearing shorts and snazzy new t-shirts and wearing sunglasses all the time and my favourite, having most of the time you scratching your body because of either having hay fever or you’ve been rolling around in the grass. Yes, a summer of wonderful fucking times. The stereotype of the summer. Why don’t they show a real summer, most of the time too hot or raining, staying inside, not being able to sleep because of the heat, no more roast dinners, too poor to go out. It’s really lame.
Seeing this film on the back burner of a great film-centric weekend with Shutter Island and Kick-Ass, coming into the film i had doubts. I knew it wasn’t going to be great from the reviews and from the trailers I’ve seen. And plus my mother wanted to see this. And knowing her choice of films to watch at the cinema, the last film i took her to see was Inkheart. Yes Inkheart. I know. Shocking. And before that was The Mummy series too. All of them. But she did love Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. But still. Mummy and Inkheart. It was horrible. And this film fell into that category of being an action adventure film taking the viewer into a new place, into a new timeframe, and just letting their imagination be freed for an hour and a half. And that what Clash of the Titans tried to do. It tried to reimaging the original using better graphics and teaches the audience about Greek mythology. But because of my addictive God of War playing. I have a totally different perspective of the tales of Greek mythology. And I’m sure all of you reading this knows what I’m talking about!
The film follows Perseus, a fisherman, after his mother and father with children are killed by Hades after a statue of Zeus is destroyed by civilians of Argos. It then sets a motion of events leading Perseus to question his birth and go on a mission to find weapons to kill Hades including getting the head of Medusa and using it to kill the Kraken. I won’t reveal the massive twist, but it’s obvious. Sam Worthington plays Perseus with Liam Neeson as Zeus and Ralph Fiennes as Hades. It’s a pretty great casting choice for Zeus and Hades and i would have loved to see more of these two. Just fighting or some shit. It was pretty good to see. But alas no Poseidon or Hercules were seen; disappointment. You’ll see throughout the film, a cast of relatively known people who have you racking your brains in having seen in past films like the villain from Casino Royale, the two off Skins and some other geezers looking hard. Sam Worthington plays a cross between the character in Terminator and Avatar. Shocking really, i think i know why he got the role. He must surely make a better film soon, maybe something that isn’t the same.
It’s a film to see at film with a group of people, loads of popcorn, maybe a few drinks. It’s fairly gory and some scenes will make you numb. For an action film, it lacks action. Which is strange to say, but the set pieces just feel the same, like the whole scorpion set piece which just reminds you of Transformers. The ending is not built up and not realistic. The Kraken is fucking massive; i don’t understand how one wave he made would not have just destroyed that fucking city in the first place. Makes no sense! 5/10
Sorry for the long delay on the latest trailers, but we wanted to wait until really great trailers were released before we gave you the latest and greatest that has hit the web. Also to celebrate, this is our 50th post! We've made it to half a century! How amazing. We hope you enjoy the trailers:
This has taken a little while to be sent because of how slow Michael works, but here is another edition of RANTBOX REVIEW where our "good" friend Michael Leroi beats down a movie into submission and then pisses all over it. This week is Tim Burton's, or T-Dizzle as he is known on the streets, Alice in Wonderland.
The title to this review sums up my brain watching the latest in the Twilight saga, New Moon, because as a close personal friend of mine explained, Twilight is just Rob Pattinson porn for children. It’s evolved now into this cultural phenomenon where girls post videos on YouTube about how they love the books and films and they show the world their appreciation by crying, by laughing or by being angry. It’s strange to think of a world without this now, even though it’s only been three, four years, it feels like it’s been there forever. And i for one can’t stand it. I’m going to admit, i liked Twilight, it was a decent film, parts of it grated on me, but i thought it was a trashy teenage drama piece that had good music. The soundtrack was a major draw for me and the ways they used it was good. It could have been better. The acting in the first one was okay, but great, not Oscar worthy, but when the text is so poorly written, you know that it won’t be as good. The second in the series New Moon follows this trend of having decent music in an otherwise, shocking piece of filmmaking, where literally nothing happens. I don’t see what all the fuss is about. Nothing of interest happens. Just some girl who is torn between a vampire and a werewolf. And then some stuff at the end about him wanting to die. I wasn’t really paying attention. I was very close to falling asleep and that’s only happened in one film: Pirates of the Caribbean 3. And that was shocking!
The plot is thin, very thin on the ground, it seems like filler for the story, not a carry on like the Harry Potter series is where it carefully teases things, leaves some other juicy parts for later films but has interesting plot twists and turns throughout. Surely looking at how they made Twilight and the series of films, Harry Potter is a massive influence into doing a large series, but it seems they haven’t taken the advice from Potter and crew and tried to create an eerie piece of romance that doesn’t quite work. It’s lacking a lot. So you probably know what happens or what has happened before, Bella, a bit of a slag if I’m honest, first loves Ed, who is a vamp, then you have Billy bob, i mean Jacob, a werewolf, who loves Bella. So it’s a bit of love triangle, I’m just waiting for Jacob to fall in love with Edwardz and it will be lovely.
But yeah, it’s pretty much that, a story of a young romance, squashed by factors like being a vampire, other vampires wanting you dead, the one you love wanting to die because he thought you was dead, puberty, you know the normal things. If you must see it, watch it drunk. More fun.
Having not read the comic but being an avid comic book reader and seeing the trailers, the teasers, the posters, the screenshots, everything to do with the film, i was really looking forward to seeing the film, so much so, i saw it with a good group of my friends, we got in early, we waited. We all wanted to see this film together, not getting an advantage over the other. Laughing and awing at the same time. So i can officially say: Kick-Ass is kick-ass! You’ve read the reviews of how amazing this film is, you probably think it’s been hyped way too much, but i really think its fucking amazing. It may be the best film I’ve seen in a long time. It’s on the same level as Dark Knight and that’s high. Dark Knight is an instant 10 out of 10, so your gonna be looking forward to the rating i give it in the end. But just to let you know, that since seeing the film, i have brought the comic book, a special edition poster and will hopefully get t-shirts with slogans on, that’s how much i love the film.
The film follows Dave Lizewski, a geeky teenager, a nobody in his high-school, a hormone fuelled loser with loser friends and a loser life until he becomes Kick-Ass, at first a loser superhero, but becomes more, and through meeting people like him, captures the imagination of the people and helps solves people’s problems and captures the bad guys. I won’t reveal too much of the story because you’ll defiantly need to go peek it out for yourself. Along with the story of Dave, the sub plots of Hit Girl and Big Daddy have been the most publicised by Hit Girl and her shenanigans throughout. At point, yes, she does this, she says the word: cunts. I know, it’s strong, and i apologise if anybody is offended, but it’s perfect. The audience laughed for at least 5 minutes just hearing her mutter the word. It’s well needed in the scene and it’s offensive. Big Daddy, with the Adam West-like voice, played by Nicholas Cage, who at the moment is getting attacked for the slew of bad films he has made recently, finally shows the world the guy has acting chops. He’s always had it, he just needed the right platform, look at Con Air or Face Off!
The other performances worth noting in the film, Aaron Johnson, who plays Dave, Chloe Grace Moretz who plays Hit Girl, as everyone has said has got a great career in front of her, unless she steers away from shit films that will easily tempt her to be in. Mark Strong is great as the lead villain and Christopher Mintz-Plasse as his geeky, nerdy son is perfect, the combination of those two works so well, it shows that both actors have grown out of their typecasts of being a gangster boss, sleaze ball and a geeky, nerdy kid. That may sound sarcastic, but i genuinely think they did well in the film. So please, go watch this film, enjoy two hours and fucking tell the world of how great the film is. This is what people go into the film business to do!
A weekend starts these three reviews, with seeing a film on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, i start with the psychological horror film Shutter Island, staring Leonardo Di Caprio and directed by the legendary Martin Scorsese. A film not seen in his line of work, a complete departure to what he has made, but it’s a welcomed change. I would never have expected Scorsese to have made this film. Looking at The Departed to this, you can see the director has been thinking about trying different genres, trying to open audiences to more varied plots and storylines, unfortunately, this plot, and especially the twists, can be seen from a mile away. The ending is obvious, because the audience have seen it before. Is the lead character really crazy or not. But what makes this film great, is the performances from Leonardo Di Caprio and Ben Kingsley, and special mention to a favourite actor of mine, Mark Ruffalo, they all sell the plot, they make the characters believable and they add a new twist to the genre.
The film revolves around Leonardo Di Caprio visiting an island for the mentally insane, called Shutter Island, he’s been called to investigate a missing inmate and unravels a conspiracy, or so he thinks. I can’t give much away, but you’ll soon realise what happens or what will happen. It’s not as hard to understand say like Lost, where shit will happen but from what direction! I wouldn’t class this film as a horror either, but many people have. It wasn’t that scary from the way the trailers have made it to be. There is a couple of disturbing images like bodies and drowning people, but it’s not the standard horror affair. You can defiantly see the influence of classic Hollywood cinema with Alfred Hitchcock and his horror films playing a part in how it affects the audience through emotion and the trick of not revealing until the end, where the pieces fit together to form the whole puzzle. Also the influence of Stanley Kubrick is used here in the music, which is top draw, a great feature in creating the eerie Shutter Island.
Overall, a good film, with strong performances, great direction, powerful music but the ending is obvious and not as scary as you may think it to be. A good film for a Friday too, but the next film, Kick-Ass will be a favourite of being the film of the weekend. Who knows, maybe Clash of the Titans will come out of nowhere and show the rest a right hander that will knock them out of the park. How many sayings and metaphors in that sentence? Too many! 7/10
Let me just get this out of my system first: WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT ON FUCKING EARTH! HOW THE FUCK DOES HE SURVIVE ALL THAT SHIT AT THE BEGINNING! HOW CAN A LIMO OUT RUN A FUCKING DESTRUCTION OF A CITY WITH FALLING FUCKING SKYSCRAPERS AND SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK! HOW CAN A CAMPER VAN OUT RUN A VOLCANO, THAT’S FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE! AND THEN HOW DOES A SHITTY PLANE NOT GET TOTALLYED! THIS IS BULLOCKS!
Okay, that was most of the anger out of the way, now onto the review of 2012. Wait i have more, especially these two lines of dialogue: “That’s a big plane” which is followed by: “Its Russian” with a huge stereotypical Russian smirk on his face. Almost felt like dialogue out of Rocky 4. And the Russians guys sons like the guitarist from My Chemical Romance! Anyway, the film follows the world ending. Yep, its that simple. And some character do shit and everything. It stars John Cusack, Danny Glover and some other shit people. Well the three main people i like, actor wise is Cusack, Glover and the lovely Thandie Newton. John Cusack hasn’t been in a good movie since High Fidelity back in 2000. Yep, 12 years ago! Danny Glover as the president is pretty awesome, fucking Riggs should be vice president, and the world would not end then! And what i don’t appreciate is, how can a fucking annoying plastic surgeon and John Cusack survive near death on several occasions but you get both Glover, first he stays behind to help America (admirable), gets covered in volcanic dust, and along with the dust from a failing building then has a megstsunami hit him with a tanker too. And the black piano player didn’t deserve to go either! And the gorgeous Thandie Newton, what is she doing here, clearly just a pay check for her.
As like all Emmerich other works, its looks are better than its story and plot. It’s pointless. You can take a basic premise that sounds interesting, make it look okay, but still is shit. Three separate place going off instances. It’s shocking. People that would be interested in this film are people wanting the world to end: its porn for the destructionist. Just two and half hours worth of what the world would be like if it shit itself. Yeah, just buildings collapsing, roads becoming waves of concrete, volcanoes exploding, the human civilisation getting fucked up. I think from what I’ve written above shows you that in simple terms, this film is shit.
Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant – Paul Weitz
Having read the first book in this series, i didn’t have high hopes of it being a decent adaptation, because of the amount of the films that have come from kids books, only two series come to mind that have been okay and mild success, you may have heard of them, Harry Potter and Twilight? No, nor did i until i googled it. Anyway, the success rate is slim, which lead me to believe that this wouldn’t worked and being backed into a corner, the film came out fighting. It may have its lapse moments, with a few dodgy actor choices, but overall it’s a good film. For teenagers and young people, it’s entertaining and for the adults, John C. Reilly kills it. I know it’s the comedy guy from Step Brothers and Talladega, but he really pulls it off and without him, i think the film wouldn’t of been as good. He steals it; i just wish they had more of him.
Anyway, the film follows, based on the books written by Darren Shan, which is the name of the lead character, which is strange, kinda like Lemony Snicket, but less weird. It follows Darren, a young teenager, as he meets a vampire, Crepsley and becomes his assistant. Other people are not happy with this and threaten to kill them both, some bald geezer and some other British vampires, plus a war is about to happen between these vampires, ones who eat and kill humans and ones who don’t. It’s a different take on the vampire genre. It all starts with Steve and Darren, like secret best friends, as they like weird things like spiders and the undead. Steve is really unsettling for some reason, i don’t know if it’s the actor, but just something about him makes me shiver in a horrible horrible way. You’ll notice what i mean if you do check this film out. The plot is simple, but the film is made in an honest and decent manner, which leads it to be a good adaptation and be an okay film.
It has moments that are different and have good direction, but i guess that’s because it’s Paul Weitz, who you can kinda trust with these sorts of franchises. William Defoe also appears as a camper version of Vincent Price, which is no mean feat, I’ve seen him in Daybreakers and now this, it feels like a Dafoe weekend, i might have to watch Spider-Man, Life Aquatic and possibly Antichrist, but i might skip that last one, sick in my mouth. Back to the film, it’s decent, it has its moments, it will keep you entertained but it won’t push you. 6/10
This film was totally under the radar for me, i had no clue that this film existed, only until i was “researching” Emily Blunt, and ended up finding out that she is now engaged, sad times! But it wasn’t all bad as she is with John Krasinski, the star and my favourite Jim Halpert, of the American version of The Office, which I’m a massive fan of. It was like finding out Katy Perry had got engaged to Russell Brand, i was disappointed but it felt right, it just felt like the better man won. Anyway, after looking at Krasinski’s Wikipedia, i found that he had stared in a movie directed by Sam Mendes and i thought it would be cool to check out. And here we are. The review of Away We Go. And i can honestly say I’m glad i read it on his Wikipedia, the film is wonderful. It’s a gem, something that I’ve hasn’t said about a film since Garden State, Lars and the Real Girl or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Its suits that category.
Away We Go follows a couple, Verona and Burt, with a child on the way, realise that their life isn’t good and that they are struggling, so they decide that they must live somewhere else to raise the child, and find the perfect place for them, which leads to a journey to different places in the US. These trips lead to different families and people living in different ways, which some they agree with and some they don’t. It’s a great tale of a modern family trying to find their way in life, the main two are perfect and gentle and witty, it’s something any person would love to have and it affects you straight away. The settings are wonderful, the cities look enchanting and the slow pace is somewhat mysterious but it fits the mood. I love this film, i really do, it’s a gem that without the wonders of Wikipedia, i would have never found which I’m glad. Wikipedia is officially the best thing on the internet! Except for facebook; and nme online; and empire online; and aint it cool news. And of course this website. And how can you forget porn. I guess it’s in the top 10, but it has to bear all the rest first before it can be taken seriously. Sorry that went way off track, so watch Away We Go, it may change your life, like it did mine, like Into the Wild did, like Garden State did.
The world’s interest in vampires as always been there but with releases of the vampire mega series Twilight, True Blood and the new fascination of young cool vampires and how sexy they look, film production companies started listening. They saw the little gap in the market to keep making films that feature zombies such as 30 Days of Night and now Daybreakers. A film about vampires but if the world knew about it and how it would change so everyone survives. It’s clever in how it sees the world in a vampire crisis, with the use of blood banks and putting blood in drinks and how the human race is dying. It’s defiantly more realistic than Twilight and all those other bullshit vampire tales. But sadly i wish i could keep going with the compliments but i can’t. The acting is shocking, the dialogue is lacking, pacing is off, ending is poor, but the effects are okay, the settings are good, it has spots of being decent but is plagued with being average. If you mixed The Matrix, well the shit second and third versions and mix it with Blade, this is kinda it. Loosely.
The film follows the story of a doctor played by Ethan Hawke, who i quite like as an actor, decent actor, who is a vampire, the whole world are vampires except for a couple of humans who haven’t turned and are against it. Also there are some vampires who haven’t had enough blood and turned into mutants. Looks fucked up. So Hawke is a doctor who accidently crashes into a convoy of humans and wishes to help them. Helps them escape. Hawke’s brother appears and he’s a vampire solider who hunts humans for blood. Hawke meets up with a man who used to a vampire and finds a cure; the Earth sun, which we all fought, was bad for them. Also Sam Neill plays Hawke’s boss and always goading the brothers into doing dirty dirty things. A complete change from the guy from Jurassic Park. And he dies too! Did i give away the ending too much?
Any who, back to Daybreakers, it’s okay in form but lacks in story and script. It’s a film to turn off to, but has set pieces that will impress. Maybe not the best work from the people involved but good filler for a week’s release. I look forward to many more shit vampire films that look at it in a different angle, what next werewolf films or Frankenstein’s monster, but young people, young cool sexy Frankenstein Monster. Played by Robert fucking Pattinson or maybe that kid from High School Musical?
Cop Out – Kevin Smith
