New Moon: ohhhhhheeeeehhhhhhwwwwwweeeeeeeooooooo

New Moon – Chris Weitz

The title to this review sums up my brain watching the latest in the Twilight saga, New Moon, because as a close personal friend of mine explained, Twilight is just Rob Pattinson porn for children. It’s evolved now into this cultural phenomenon where girls post videos on YouTube about how they love the books and films and they show the world their appreciation by crying, by laughing or by being angry. It’s strange to think of a world without this now, even though it’s only been three, four years, it feels like it’s been there forever. And i for one can’t stand it. I’m going to admit, i liked Twilight, it was a decent film, parts of it grated on me, but i thought it was a trashy teenage drama piece that had good music. The soundtrack was a major draw for me and the ways they used it was good. It could have been better. The acting in the first one was okay, but great, not Oscar worthy, but when the text is so poorly written, you know that it won’t be as good. The second in the series New Moon follows this trend of having decent music in an otherwise, shocking piece of filmmaking, where literally nothing happens. I don’t see what all the fuss is about. Nothing of interest happens. Just some girl who is torn between a vampire and a werewolf. And then some stuff at the end about him wanting to die. I wasn’t really paying attention. I was very close to falling asleep and that’s only happened in one film: Pirates of the Caribbean 3. And that was shocking!

The plot is thin, very thin on the ground, it seems like filler for the story, not a carry on like the Harry Potter series is where it carefully teases things, leaves some other juicy parts for later films but has interesting plot twists and turns throughout. Surely looking at how they made Twilight and the series of films, Harry Potter is a massive influence into doing a large series, but it seems they haven’t taken the advice from Potter and crew and tried to create an eerie piece of romance that doesn’t quite work. It’s lacking a lot. So you probably know what happens or what has happened before, Bella, a bit of a slag if I’m honest, first loves Ed, who is a vamp, then you have Billy bob, i mean Jacob, a werewolf, who loves Bella. So it’s a bit of love triangle, I’m just waiting for Jacob to fall in love with Edwardz and it will be lovely.

But yeah, it’s pretty much that, a story of a young romance, squashed by factors like being a vampire, other vampires wanting you dead, the one you love wanting to die because he thought you was dead, puberty, you know the normal things. If you must see it, watch it drunk. More fun.

4/10

Simon Childs