A Piranha to the Crotch...

Piranha 3D – Alexandre Aja

It had to happen, having a really brutal 3D film come out using the technology to scare the shit out of people. Of course we’ve had it with Saw 3D, My Bloody Valentine 3D and The Final Destination 3D, but they all came out like shit, having the typical knife pointed at the screen moments. But taking a franchise originally made by James Cameron, strangely enough, and rebooting it for the newer audiences, it’s worked, but only because we can laugh at the madness and see it as a B-Movie rather than a serious horror. It contains blood, guts, naked women, naked men (yes that’s right, naked men) and some really funny humour. It’s not the perfect date movie sure, but it’s defiantly the perfect drunk movie. Watching it with a group friends laughing at how gruesome it is, it’s what this type of cinema is made for and i salute it.

It’s an easy plot about a group of pre-historic piranhas which are set loose after an earthquake shifts the plates on the sea floor where they’ve been trapped for centuries; go on a mega killing spree. Thousands of eggs and piranhas waiting for food after going through several cycles of cannibalism, you can see that they are both pissed and extremely hungry. Very reminiscent of how i am at a buffet, but i digress. Of course you have to have some sub-plots to fill the void and we’ve a couple of great ones. A son who wants to break out and have some fun, a porn producer who wants to film in the local area on a boat, a mother and police officer of the area who wants to make sure no one is harmed, a girl who wants to impress a young guy by going on the boat with the porn producer, two young children who go out fishing but break their promise by going out and Ving Rhames, just you know, him as a storyline. It’s all quite easy to follow and it’s an easy pace. Oh and i forgot, Doc Brown from Back to the Future makes an appearance to tell them about the ancient piranhas and to warn them. Through in some cameos from the likes of Adam Scott, Richard Dreyfuss, Kelly Brook, Paul Scheer and Eli Roth, and i’m guessing from those names you’ll know of two or three and you’ve got a decent little horror flick.

It has some proper fucking gruesome moments and a good soundtrack. The way the film continues along at a good pace makes it more interesting and won’t bore you to death or be too quick to annoy you. And yes before this ends, i will mention, you will see a penis be bit off by a piranha and thrown towards the screen which will then be later eaten by more piranhas. Lovely.

7/10

Simon Childs