Un-Fucking-Believable

2012 – Roland E mmerich

Let me just get this out of my system first: WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT ON FUCKING EARTH! HOW THE FUCK DOES HE SURVIVE ALL THAT SHIT AT THE BEGINNING! HOW CAN A LIMO OUT RUN A FUCKING DESTRUCTION OF A CITY WITH FALLING FUCKING SKYSCRAPERS AND SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK! HOW CAN A CAMPER VAN OUT RUN A VOLCANO, THAT’S FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE! AND THEN HOW DOES A SHITTY PLANE NOT GET TOTALLYED! THIS IS BULLOCKS!

Okay, that was most of the anger out of the way, now onto the review of 2012. Wait i have more, especially these two lines of dialogue: “That’s a big plane” which is followed by: “Its Russian” with a huge stereotypical Russian smirk on his face. Almost felt like dialogue out of Rocky 4. And the Russians guys sons like the guitarist from My Chemical Romance! Anyway, the film follows the world ending. Yep, its that simple. And some character do shit and everything. It stars John Cusack, Danny Glover and some other shit people. Well the three main people i like, actor wise is Cusack, Glover and the lovely Thandie Newton. John Cusack hasn’t been in a good movie since High Fidelity back in 2000. Yep, 12 years ago! Danny Glover as the president is pretty awesome, fucking Riggs should be vice president, and the world would not end then! And what i don’t appreciate is, how can a fucking annoying plastic surgeon and John Cusack survive near death on several occasions but you get both Glover, first he stays behind to help America (admirable), gets covered in volcanic dust, and along with the dust from a failing building then has a megstsunami hit him with a tanker too. And the black piano player didn’t deserve to go either! And the gorgeous Thandie Newton, what is she doing here, clearly just a pay check for her.

As like all Emmerich other works, its looks are better than its story and plot. It’s pointless. You can take a basic premise that sounds interesting, make it look okay, but still is shit. Three separate place going off instances. It’s shocking. People that would be interested in this film are people wanting the world to end: its porn for the destructionist. Just two and half hours worth of what the world would be like if it shit itself. Yeah, just buildings collapsing, roads becoming waves of concrete, volcanoes exploding, the human civilisation getting fucked up.
I think from what I’ve written above shows you that in simple terms, this film is shit.

3/10

Simon Childs