I'd rather get Hexed!

Jonah Hex – Jimmy Hayward

This film is horrible, truly, truly fucking horrible, this is one of the worst films I’ve seen this year and its surprising as i thought, you know, 2010 is coming to an end, all of the bad films won’t be appearing we’ve got Tron, we’ve got new Narnia and we’ve got some great DVD releases too. And when i finally gotten round to watch this horse shit, i realised that this is so badly mad, it makes me angry they’ve taken a great graphic novel and shat all over it. I love some of the actors in this film too with Josh Brolin as the lead, John Malkovich as the villain, Michael Fassbender as the villain’s sidekick, Will Arnett as a funny government official and small cameo from Michael Shannon. All of them are great actors/comedians and you’d think they’d use them to the best of their ability but they don’t. I don’t even want to mention Megan Fox as the female lead because she barely leads and she’s barely acting. Clearly she doesn’t give a flying fuck about films anymore, clearly just cash.

Jonah Hex is loosely based on the graphic novel where a man is forced to watch as his house burn down containing his wife and child and then is branded with QT on his face as he watches them die and is left to die himself. All of this is done by Malkovich and Fassbender because of when Hex was in the army with them together and Hex didn’t take an order from Malkovich and also killed one of his son’s. It’s all about revenge. Left to die, Hex is saved by a local Native Indian type using mystical powers and soon finds out he has the ability to reanimate the dead and communicate with them by touching and holding onto them. Quite a freaky ability if i’m honest. But anyway, Hex now lives an outlaw life, taking bounties and bringing down bad guys. He’s asked by the government to find the now evil Malkovich as he plots to do something bad. Through in the whole prostitute love interest story with Megan Fox and you’ve got the whole film summed up for you.

I don’t know if it was the script or the direction or maybe even the way the film has been edited, but it’s clearly lacking all 3 of those aspects. It just makes for a cringe worthy film which you know could be better. Sure it has some cool aspects to it like the magical powers and the fight sequence at the end but you never have any real danger to the Hex character and all of it just feels forced. Fassbender tries to copy Heath Ledger’s Joker and it might have worked if everyone else had copied The Dark Knight characters. Don’t watch this.

2/10

Simon Childs