Trailer Watch XII

1st May - 8th May

Here are another bumper selection of trailers from the world of movies and stuff. Yeahhhh! Gonna throw in a couple more you haven't seen because of the lack of trailers over the last couple of weeks, so i'm hopeful they will please!

1. Toy Story 3



2. The Kids Are Alright



3. Jonah Hex



4. The Last Airbender



5. Prince of Persia: the Sands of Time



6. Megamind



7. Sex and the City 2

“Why does Noddy have a bell on his hat?”

Cemetery Junction – Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant

Looking at Gervais film past, it’s not looking good. His TV work will always be his best; you can’t really beat The Office and the Extras. I love both, and i love his stand up too, it’s defiantly a standard for the rest of the comedy world. To be that funny and not many people do. Seeing him live as well, you can tell he’s genuinely funny. But his film choices have been lacklustre to say the least. The Invention of Lying? It was bad, it had a great cast, but i don’t remember once laughing out loud like i have done for everything he’s done. I’m not a massive fan of the Night at the Museum films, its childish fun i guess, but it’s not something i would exclaim as being wonderful. Ghost Town was decent, it wasn’t amazing, but it was okay. It had scenes where it showed the potential Gervais has in films, but it seems only after three films that he’s playing the same character. And with the newly released Cemetery Junction, would Gervais be the lead and steal the show playing the same character he is seemingly trying to place in all of his roles?

The answer is no, he doesn’t take the lead in the film but he does play a different character. I think he plays it perfectly, a dad type figure, someone who isn’t embarrassed or a social outcast, he’s a factory worker, and he plays it well. Not being the lead, Gervais allows three unknowns to take the centre stage playing Freddie, Bruce and Snork. They are wonderful new actors, each with different characteristics, and each having their paths in the film, sometimes its twist and turns you can’t see coming but overall it’s a refreshing thing to see. The film is basically about three lads in Reading, living in the 70’s who want to get out of the town after becoming bored of working nine to five, drinking and fighting. Each one has a different story of what they want to do and each one has a successful ending. It also has strong performances from Ralph Fiennes or Lord Voldemort as he is known on the street, Julia Davis, Emily Watson and Matthew Goode. The music is stand out too for a British film, showing true talent in the musicians and songs chosen to represent that era.

I reckon the idea came from Merchant who i believe to be the sensible one, the one with the writing talents and directing skills. The one who puts Gervais on the right path to creating something successful and funny. But maybe I’m wrong, we will have to see his next film or television show, see if it turns out to be a pile of shit or something decent.

7/10

Simon Childs

The Legion of Doom!

Legion – Scott Stewart

It has a comic book kind of themes to it; you can imagine this being a series where the lead character over a period of time saves the world and everything. Archangel Michael, yes that legend, comes to Earth to save something from somebody that could somehow something something. Yeah i didn’t really care, as soon as the film had an old woman say the c word. Yes the c word. Please, just watch it for that scene. It’s hilarious. The actress who played her is now my favourite actor of all time, better than Paul Dano! I know, it’s that good. But i guess i should review the whole film, not just that scene, but if they could of, give that woman a whole film just to swear, bite people and just generally cause fucking havoc.

The wonderful Paul Bettany stars, who i rate for the actor; I’ve always appreciated his work, even though sometimes it shows us that he has only been picked for his looks. But when he’s on form, he really does steal it. And making this type of film in Hollywood, a clear showing how he can do action. How he can be the next Stallone or Willis. But i think he’s better than that. I don’t see from looking at the script, the lack of dialogue and sometimes even decent dialogue can’t be seen. The story follows a woman who is pregnant and the kid could stop the world from dying? Or something or about how God wants the kid to die because of what it means? And Michael comes down from heaven and helps the child survive a brutal killing from hundreds of zombie humans who have been taken over by God to help kill the child. They hold up in a diner in the middle of a desert with the guy from Transformers, the woman from Grey’s Anatomy, a girl from The OC and Dennis Quaid. It’s an ensemble cast from various other things and it’s shocking to see the normally decent Quaid in this type of vehicle. It ends the way you think, with a lot of random violence and action.

Looking at the basic idea for the film, it could easily work, but sadly, there is nothing in it. It had the same fate for 30 Days of Night. Many people believe that a great idea leads to an awesome film, sadly not the case. Although i quite enjoyed 30 Days Of Night, but its swings and roundabouts. Check this film out if you have nothing to do, actually wait, i don’t even suggest doing that, there are millions of great films out there to watch, don’t waste your time (but do watch the scene with the old lady, it’s bad shit funny!).

5/10

Simon Childs

I love Woody Harrelson!

Zombieland – Ruben Fleischer

Watching this film for the second film after seeing it in the cinema and then again on Blu-Ray, you find little things that you may not have seen on the first viewing. This happens for most films. You pick up on things that improve the viewing, showcasing the acting or the direction. But sometimes, watching a film again, it makes it show its true face, you know, when you watch it again and it becomes laughable. Like recently, checked out the director’s cut Blu-Ray version of Watchmen. It was bad. I remember seeing it at the IMAX in London, and it was good, it wasn’t amazing, but it was good. Now i agree with some people saying it’s very boring. Anyway, back to Zombieland, another dose of Jesse Eisenberg with the recent review of Adventureland, here he plays a more confident type, but still shit at love. He’s the new version of Michael Cera, the middle-class version. It’s strange how both these actors have made a living being the uncomfortable geeky type. They both play it well, but it will get to a point where they will become utterly annoying. I love both actors, so we’ll see how it fairs.

Anyway, back to the review, and the plot of the film is simple, Eisenberg who plays Columbus, lives in a world infested with zombies and meets Tallahassee, Woody Harrelson’s character and they form a friendship in helping them get to a certain place. On the travel to these places they bump into the sisters Little Rock and Wichita, played by Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin, yes the kids from Superbad and Little Miss Sunshine. They all have place names to show where they are from, so they can show how far they’ve travelled trying to find a place to stay and hole up because of the millions of zombies after their flesh. Each actor brings a different style of comedy and acting, and it works brilliantly, all actors started from independent films that focused on acting and showcased how good these cats are and here they are allowed to show their funny bones with Harrelson stealing the show. A lot better than his strange cameo in 2012. Also look out for the hilarious Bill Murray cameo, which almost steals the whole film.

It’s a great film to check out with friends and it’s a decent piece to add to the zombie survival genre, being genuinely funny, not as good as Shaun of the Dead, but it’s very close to being. Out of the two, Adventureland and Zombieland, i prefer Zombieland, so go check it out for the weekend if your bored.

7/10

Simon Childs

Any film with Ryan Reynolds is a given. Eisenberg for Superman!

Adventureland – Greg Mottola

Jesse Eisenberg is a hero of mine. And with heroes, i can’t really say anything bad about them. And luckily, there is nothing bad to say about him, his acting, his career and especially this film, as it’s really great. It’s a lovely summer film, with an iconic soundtrack, a great cast and some really funny scenes. Maybe the inclusion of K-Stew or Kristen Stewart will want to rip your eyes out of your socket, but surprisingly she isn’t as annoying here then when she’s gallivanting in a fucking forest with that Pattinson lad. Here she kinda owns it a little. But when the cast around you are Eisenberg, Bill Hader, Kristin Wiig and mother fucking Dead Pool himself, Ryan Reynolds, its hard not to be funny. It’s gonna be in the air most of the time. I loved Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Parlour on Trouble, and Reynolds was fucking funny. I grew up with him. And then starred in amazing films like Blade 3, Van Wilder, Waiting, Just Friends, Smoking Aces, The Nines, Defiantly, Maybe, X-Men Origins: Wolverine and filming at the moment, The Green Lantern, sure, it sounds like a shit career, but i loved like 90% of those. I respect the man, he married Scarlett Johansson for fuck sake, and the dude deserves credit.

Set in 1987, it follows Eisenberg’s character, James Brennan, after graduating from college and finding that he wants to go to Europe and then University, he finds a summer job at Adventureland, the local amusement park owned by Hader and Wiig. There he meets Kristen Stewart’s character and they instantly have a connection of being wandering lonely souls who are stuck in a shit town. Throw in Ryan Reynolds, a local player on the amusement park who sleeps with pretty much anyone, and the relationship of Reynolds and Stewart is teased in front of Eisenberg and really, just little scenes that are sometimes funny, sometimes romantic occur. It’s a decent film, with a decent plot, we’ve seen it before, but it’s the way the characters act and the interactions that make this film what it is. The soundtrack as well is very memorable, and the older audiences will defiantly recognise some of the hits.

Overall, it’s a good summer film, it has set pieces that will make you smile, and think of the summers you’ve had, chasing the girl or guy of your dreams, listening to certain songs or albums, going to parties meeting new people, drinking copious amounts of booze, wearing shorts and snazzy new t-shirts and wearing sunglasses all the time and my favourite, having most of the time you scratching your body because of either having hay fever or you’ve been rolling around in the grass. Yes, a summer of wonderful fucking times. The stereotype of the summer. Why don’t they show a real summer, most of the time too hot or raining, staying inside, not being able to sleep because of the heat, no more roast dinners, too poor to go out. It’s really lame.

6/10

Simon Childs

Avatar meets Terminator Salvation: The common link: Sam Worthington!

Clash of the Titans – Louis Leterrier

Seeing this film on the back burner of a great film-centric weekend with Shutter Island and Kick-Ass, coming into the film i had doubts. I knew it wasn’t going to be great from the reviews and from the trailers I’ve seen. And plus my mother wanted to see this. And knowing her choice of films to watch at the cinema, the last film i took her to see was Inkheart. Yes Inkheart. I know. Shocking. And before that was The Mummy series too. All of them. But she did love Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. But still. Mummy and Inkheart. It was horrible. And this film fell into that category of being an action adventure film taking the viewer into a new place, into a new timeframe, and just letting their imagination be freed for an hour and a half. And that what Clash of the Titans tried to do. It tried to reimaging the original using better graphics and teaches the audience about Greek mythology. But because of my addictive God of War playing. I have a totally different perspective of the tales of Greek mythology. And I’m sure all of you reading this knows what I’m talking about!

The film follows Perseus, a fisherman, after his mother and father with children are killed by Hades after a statue of Zeus is destroyed by civilians of Argos. It then sets a motion of events leading Perseus to question his birth and go on a mission to find weapons to kill Hades including getting the head of Medusa and using it to kill the Kraken. I won’t reveal the massive twist, but it’s obvious. Sam Worthington plays Perseus with Liam Neeson as Zeus and Ralph Fiennes as Hades. It’s a pretty great casting choice for Zeus and Hades and i would have loved to see more of these two. Just fighting or some shit. It was pretty good to see. But alas no Poseidon or Hercules were seen; disappointment. You’ll see throughout the film, a cast of relatively known people who have you racking your brains in having seen in past films like the villain from Casino Royale, the two off Skins and some other geezers looking hard. Sam Worthington plays a cross between the character in Terminator and Avatar. Shocking really, i think i know why he got the role. He must surely make a better film soon, maybe something that isn’t the same.

It’s a film to see at film with a group of people, loads of popcorn, maybe a few drinks. It’s fairly gory and some scenes will make you numb. For an action film, it lacks action. Which is strange to say, but the set pieces just feel the same, like the whole scorpion set piece which just reminds you of Transformers. The ending is not built up and not realistic. The Kraken is fucking massive; i don’t understand how one wave he made would not have just destroyed that fucking city in the first place. Makes no sense!

5/10

Simon Childs

Trailer Watch XI

18th April - 25th April

Sorry for the long delay on the latest trailers, but we wanted to wait until really great trailers were released before we gave you the latest and greatest that has hit the web. Also to celebrate, this is our 50th post! We've made it to half a century! How amazing. We hope you enjoy the trailers:

1. Scott Pilgrim vs The World



2. The Thorn In The Heart



3. Wild Grass



4. Stolen



5. Artois The Great



6. Dinner For Schmucks

RANTBOX REVIEW - Alice in Wonderland

Hey readers,

This has taken a little while to be sent because of how slow Michael works, but here is another edition of RANTBOX REVIEW where our "good" friend Michael Leroi beats down a movie into submission and then pisses all over it. This week is Tim Burton's, or T-Dizzle as he is known on the streets, Alice in Wonderland.

New Moon: ohhhhhheeeeehhhhhhwwwwwweeeeeeeooooooo

New Moon – Chris Weitz

The title to this review sums up my brain watching the latest in the Twilight saga, New Moon, because as a close personal friend of mine explained, Twilight is just Rob Pattinson porn for children. It’s evolved now into this cultural phenomenon where girls post videos on YouTube about how they love the books and films and they show the world their appreciation by crying, by laughing or by being angry. It’s strange to think of a world without this now, even though it’s only been three, four years, it feels like it’s been there forever. And i for one can’t stand it. I’m going to admit, i liked Twilight, it was a decent film, parts of it grated on me, but i thought it was a trashy teenage drama piece that had good music. The soundtrack was a major draw for me and the ways they used it was good. It could have been better. The acting in the first one was okay, but great, not Oscar worthy, but when the text is so poorly written, you know that it won’t be as good. The second in the series New Moon follows this trend of having decent music in an otherwise, shocking piece of filmmaking, where literally nothing happens. I don’t see what all the fuss is about. Nothing of interest happens. Just some girl who is torn between a vampire and a werewolf. And then some stuff at the end about him wanting to die. I wasn’t really paying attention. I was very close to falling asleep and that’s only happened in one film: Pirates of the Caribbean 3. And that was shocking!

The plot is thin, very thin on the ground, it seems like filler for the story, not a carry on like the Harry Potter series is where it carefully teases things, leaves some other juicy parts for later films but has interesting plot twists and turns throughout. Surely looking at how they made Twilight and the series of films, Harry Potter is a massive influence into doing a large series, but it seems they haven’t taken the advice from Potter and crew and tried to create an eerie piece of romance that doesn’t quite work. It’s lacking a lot. So you probably know what happens or what has happened before, Bella, a bit of a slag if I’m honest, first loves Ed, who is a vamp, then you have Billy bob, i mean Jacob, a werewolf, who loves Bella. So it’s a bit of love triangle, I’m just waiting for Jacob to fall in love with Edwardz and it will be lovely.

But yeah, it’s pretty much that, a story of a young romance, squashed by factors like being a vampire, other vampires wanting you dead, the one you love wanting to die because he thought you was dead, puberty, you know the normal things. If you must see it, watch it drunk. More fun.

4/10

Simon Childs

A punch to the balls, and a kick to the face!

Kick-Ass – Matthew Vaughan

Having not read the comic but being an avid comic book reader and seeing the trailers, the teasers, the posters, the screenshots, everything to do with the film, i was really looking forward to seeing the film, so much so, i saw it with a good group of my friends, we got in early, we waited. We all wanted to see this film together, not getting an advantage over the other. Laughing and awing at the same time. So i can officially say: Kick-Ass is kick-ass! You’ve read the reviews of how amazing this film is, you probably think it’s been hyped way too much, but i really think its fucking amazing. It may be the best film I’ve seen in a long time. It’s on the same level as Dark Knight and that’s high. Dark Knight is an instant 10 out of 10, so your gonna be looking forward to the rating i give it in the end. But just to let you know, that since seeing the film, i have brought the comic book, a special edition poster and will hopefully get t-shirts with slogans on, that’s how much i love the film.

The film follows Dave Lizewski, a geeky teenager, a nobody in his high-school, a hormone fuelled loser with loser friends and a loser life until he becomes Kick-Ass, at first a loser superhero, but becomes more, and through meeting people like him, captures the imagination of the people and helps solves people’s problems and captures the bad guys. I won’t reveal too much of the story because you’ll defiantly need to go peek it out for yourself. Along with the story of Dave, the sub plots of Hit Girl and Big Daddy have been the most publicised by Hit Girl and her shenanigans throughout. At point, yes, she does this, she says the word: cunts. I know, it’s strong, and i apologise if anybody is offended, but it’s perfect. The audience laughed for at least 5 minutes just hearing her mutter the word. It’s well needed in the scene and it’s offensive. Big Daddy, with the Adam West-like voice, played by Nicholas Cage, who at the moment is getting attacked for the slew of bad films he has made recently, finally shows the world the guy has acting chops. He’s always had it, he just needed the right platform, look at Con Air or Face Off!

The other performances worth noting in the film, Aaron Johnson, who plays Dave, Chloe Grace Moretz who plays Hit Girl, as everyone has said has got a great career in front of her, unless she steers away from shit films that will easily tempt her to be in. Mark Strong is great as the lead villain and Christopher Mintz-Plasse as his geeky, nerdy son is perfect, the combination of those two works so well, it shows that both actors have grown out of their typecasts of being a gangster boss, sleaze ball and a geeky, nerdy kid. That may sound sarcastic, but i genuinely think they did well in the film. So please, go watch this film, enjoy two hours and fucking tell the world of how great the film is. This is what people go into the film business to do!

10/10

Simon Childs

Let’s do the Twist

Shutter Island – Martin Scorsese

A weekend starts these three reviews, with seeing a film on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, i start with the psychological horror film Shutter Island, staring Leonardo Di Caprio and directed by the legendary Martin Scorsese. A film not seen in his line of work, a complete departure to what he has made, but it’s a welcomed change. I would never have expected Scorsese to have made this film. Looking at The Departed to this, you can see the director has been thinking about trying different genres, trying to open audiences to more varied plots and storylines, unfortunately, this plot, and especially the twists, can be seen from a mile away. The ending is obvious, because the audience have seen it before. Is the lead character really crazy or not. But what makes this film great, is the performances from Leonardo Di Caprio and Ben Kingsley, and special mention to a favourite actor of mine, Mark Ruffalo, they all sell the plot, they make the characters believable and they add a new twist to the genre.

The film revolves around Leonardo Di Caprio visiting an island for the mentally insane, called Shutter Island, he’s been called to investigate a missing inmate and unravels a conspiracy, or so he thinks. I can’t give much away, but you’ll soon realise what happens or what will happen. It’s not as hard to understand say like Lost, where shit will happen but from what direction! I wouldn’t class this film as a horror either, but many people have. It wasn’t that scary from the way the trailers have made it to be. There is a couple of disturbing images like bodies and drowning people, but it’s not the standard horror affair. You can defiantly see the influence of classic Hollywood cinema with Alfred Hitchcock and his horror films playing a part in how it affects the audience through emotion and the trick of not revealing until the end, where the pieces fit together to form the whole puzzle. Also the influence of Stanley Kubrick is used here in the music, which is top draw, a great feature in creating the eerie Shutter Island.

Overall, a good film, with strong performances, great direction, powerful music but the ending is obvious and not as scary as you may think it to be. A good film for a Friday too, but the next film, Kick-Ass will be a favourite of being the film of the weekend. Who knows, maybe Clash of the Titans will come out of nowhere and show the rest a right hander that will knock them out of the park. How many sayings and metaphors in that sentence? Too many!

7/10

Simon Childs

Un-Fucking-Believable

2012 – Roland E mmerich

Let me just get this out of my system first: WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT ON FUCKING EARTH! HOW THE FUCK DOES HE SURVIVE ALL THAT SHIT AT THE BEGINNING! HOW CAN A LIMO OUT RUN A FUCKING DESTRUCTION OF A CITY WITH FALLING FUCKING SKYSCRAPERS AND SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK! HOW CAN A CAMPER VAN OUT RUN A VOLCANO, THAT’S FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE! AND THEN HOW DOES A SHITTY PLANE NOT GET TOTALLYED! THIS IS BULLOCKS!

Okay, that was most of the anger out of the way, now onto the review of 2012. Wait i have more, especially these two lines of dialogue: “That’s a big plane” which is followed by: “Its Russian” with a huge stereotypical Russian smirk on his face. Almost felt like dialogue out of Rocky 4. And the Russians guys sons like the guitarist from My Chemical Romance! Anyway, the film follows the world ending. Yep, its that simple. And some character do shit and everything. It stars John Cusack, Danny Glover and some other shit people. Well the three main people i like, actor wise is Cusack, Glover and the lovely Thandie Newton. John Cusack hasn’t been in a good movie since High Fidelity back in 2000. Yep, 12 years ago! Danny Glover as the president is pretty awesome, fucking Riggs should be vice president, and the world would not end then! And what i don’t appreciate is, how can a fucking annoying plastic surgeon and John Cusack survive near death on several occasions but you get both Glover, first he stays behind to help America (admirable), gets covered in volcanic dust, and along with the dust from a failing building then has a megstsunami hit him with a tanker too. And the black piano player didn’t deserve to go either! And the gorgeous Thandie Newton, what is she doing here, clearly just a pay check for her.

As like all Emmerich other works, its looks are better than its story and plot. It’s pointless. You can take a basic premise that sounds interesting, make it look okay, but still is shit. Three separate place going off instances. It’s shocking. People that would be interested in this film are people wanting the world to end: its porn for the destructionist. Just two and half hours worth of what the world would be like if it shit itself. Yeah, just buildings collapsing, roads becoming waves of concrete, volcanoes exploding, the human civilisation getting fucked up.
I think from what I’ve written above shows you that in simple terms, this film is shit.

3/10

Simon Childs

It’s no Cirque du Soleil but it’s not a Circus of Horrors either!

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant – Paul Weitz

Having read the first book in this series, i didn’t have high hopes of it being a decent adaptation, because of the amount of the films that have come from kids books, only two series come to mind that have been okay and mild success, you may have heard of them, Harry Potter and Twilight? No, nor did i until i googled it. Anyway, the success rate is slim, which lead me to believe that this wouldn’t worked and being backed into a corner, the film came out fighting. It may have its lapse moments, with a few dodgy actor choices, but overall it’s a good film. For teenagers and young people, it’s entertaining and for the adults, John C. Reilly kills it. I know it’s the comedy guy from Step Brothers and Talladega, but he really pulls it off and without him, i think the film wouldn’t of been as good. He steals it; i just wish they had more of him.

Anyway, the film follows, based on the books written by Darren Shan, which is the name of the lead character, which is strange, kinda like Lemony Snicket, but less weird. It follows Darren, a young teenager, as he meets a vampire, Crepsley and becomes his assistant. Other people are not happy with this and threaten to kill them both, some bald geezer and some other British vampires, plus a war is about to happen between these vampires, ones who eat and kill humans and ones who don’t. It’s a different take on the vampire genre. It all starts with Steve and Darren, like secret best friends, as they like weird things like spiders and the undead. Steve is really unsettling for some reason, i don’t know if it’s the actor, but just something about him makes me shiver in a horrible horrible way. You’ll notice what i mean if you do check this film out. The plot is simple, but the film is made in an honest and decent manner, which leads it to be a good adaptation and be an okay film.

It has moments that are different and have good direction, but i guess that’s because it’s Paul Weitz, who you can kinda trust with these sorts of franchises. William Defoe also appears as a camper version of Vincent Price, which is no mean feat, I’ve seen him in Daybreakers and now this, it feels like a Dafoe weekend, i might have to watch Spider-Man, Life Aquatic and possibly Antichrist, but i might skip that last one, sick in my mouth. Back to the film, it’s decent, it has its moments, it will keep you entertained but it won’t push you.

6/10

Simon Childs

-Insert witty title involving title of film- I can’t, film is amazing!

Away We Go – Sam Mendes

This film was totally under the radar for me, i had no clue that this film existed, only until i was “researching” Emily Blunt, and ended up finding out that she is now engaged, sad times! But it wasn’t all bad as she is with John Krasinski, the star and my favourite Jim Halpert, of the American version of The Office, which I’m a massive fan of. It was like finding out Katy Perry had got engaged to Russell Brand, i was disappointed but it felt right, it just felt like the better man won. Anyway, after looking at Krasinski’s Wikipedia, i found that he had stared in a movie directed by Sam Mendes and i thought it would be cool to check out. And here we are. The review of Away We Go. And i can honestly say I’m glad i read it on his Wikipedia, the film is wonderful. It’s a gem, something that I’ve hasn’t said about a film since Garden State, Lars and the Real Girl or Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Its suits that category.

Away We Go follows a couple, Verona and Burt, with a child on the way, realise that their life isn’t good and that they are struggling, so they decide that they must live somewhere else to raise the child, and find the perfect place for them, which leads to a journey to different places in the US. These trips lead to different families and people living in different ways, which some they agree with and some they don’t. It’s a great tale of a modern family trying to find their way in life, the main two are perfect and gentle and witty, it’s something any person would love to have and it affects you straight away. The settings are wonderful, the cities look enchanting and the slow pace is somewhat mysterious but it fits the mood. I love this film, i really do, it’s a gem that without the wonders of Wikipedia, i would have never found which I’m glad. Wikipedia is officially the best thing on the internet! Except for facebook; and nme online; and empire online; and aint it cool news. And of course this website. And how can you forget porn. I guess it’s in the top 10, but it has to bear all the rest first before it can be taken seriously. Sorry that went way off track, so watch Away We Go, it may change your life, like it did mine, like Into the Wild did, like Garden State did.

It’s a high rating but it deserves it!

9/10

Simon Childs

This certainly isn’t any Twilight, R-Patz Shit!

Daybreakers - Michael and Peter Spierig

The world’s interest in vampires as always been there but with releases of the vampire mega series Twilight, True Blood and the new fascination of young cool vampires and how sexy they look, film production companies started listening. They saw the little gap in the market to keep making films that feature zombies such as 30 Days of Night and now Daybreakers. A film about vampires but if the world knew about it and how it would change so everyone survives. It’s clever in how it sees the world in a vampire crisis, with the use of blood banks and putting blood in drinks and how the human race is dying. It’s defiantly more realistic than Twilight and all those other bullshit vampire tales. But sadly i wish i could keep going with the compliments but i can’t. The acting is shocking, the dialogue is lacking, pacing is off, ending is poor, but the effects are okay, the settings are good, it has spots of being decent but is plagued with being average. If you mixed The Matrix, well the shit second and third versions and mix it with Blade, this is kinda it. Loosely.

The film follows the story of a doctor played by Ethan Hawke, who i quite like as an actor, decent actor, who is a vampire, the whole world are vampires except for a couple of humans who haven’t turned and are against it. Also there are some vampires who haven’t had enough blood and turned into mutants. Looks fucked up. So Hawke is a doctor who accidently crashes into a convoy of humans and wishes to help them. Helps them escape. Hawke’s brother appears and he’s a vampire solider who hunts humans for blood. Hawke meets up with a man who used to a vampire and finds a cure; the Earth sun, which we all fought, was bad for them. Also Sam Neill plays Hawke’s boss and always goading the brothers into doing dirty dirty things. A complete change from the guy from Jurassic Park. And he dies too! Did i give away the ending too much?

Any who, back to Daybreakers, it’s okay in form but lacks in story and script. It’s a film to turn off to, but has set pieces that will impress. Maybe not the best work from the people involved but good filler for a week’s release. I look forward to many more shit vampire films that look at it in a different angle, what next werewolf films or Frankenstein’s monster, but young people, young cool sexy Frankenstein Monster. Played by Robert fucking Pattinson or maybe that kid from High School Musical?

5/10

Simon Childs

Trailer Watch X

Hey readers, this is an honour for the site, as after nine popular posts of Trailer Watch so have finally made it to ten. A now weekly installment of the latest and greatest trailers around, we've had great feeback about how you love it, so to say thank you for coming by, becoming a friend or even mentioning the site to others, heres are ten trailers from the past 9 editions:

1. Cop Out: Red Band



2. Iron Man 2



3. Inception



4. Kick-Ass



5. A Nightmare on Elm Street



6. Get Him To The Greek



7. Toy Story 3



8. Legend of the Guardians



9. Prince of Persia



10. Hot Tub Time Machine

9 is the magic number!

9 - Shane Acker

With the name of Tim Burton and the director of Nightwatch, Daywatch and Wanted, Timur Bekmambetov placed across posters and trailers, the advertising company behind Shane Acker’s feature length debut 9, have made it clear that these names will draw in more people, but it should be Acker’s name that is bold and clear, because he’s a talent for the future. Famous for short animations, where this feature length is based on, 9 is a superb debut in the animation field, where it looks and sounds like a veteran piece and it’s something new to the genre of mainstream animation. Having a large release in cinemas, it had a chance to showcase a different style of animation not seen before and have a very mature storyline. It’s not Disney or Pixar, it’s a magical world seen through the eyes of creations made by humans. It’s the end of the world, the end of mankind and all that is left are tiny puppets that are left to build humanity. It’s a story of hope and sacrifice and it’s refreshing to have that in cinemas and especially animation, where anything is possible, just look at my previous reviews of Ponyo and UP.

The plot follows 9 robot-like “Stitchpunks” that are trying to survive in the world where everyone is dead except for machines which have come back to life to destroy them. A war between man and machine erupted before they were born and thus the environment around him is decaying and broken. The latest creation 9 meets the rest of them and tries to put right his mistakes and save them from the machines clutches. It has a great build up of action having smaller scenes leading into the main sequence with the queen machine. It has a great ending, sad but defiantly up-lifting. It comes across as having a meaning without shoving it down your throat which sometimes animation films do.

Overall a simple story, which some might criticise as being too simple or not having a deeper meaning to it, but i understand the film, and i understand the decision to not have undertones or sub plots to it. It’s a small package and its nice for a change. The sound here is perfect, i really can’t fault it, from the soundtrack to the sounds of everything including the clogs and material of the characters, everything sounds crisp. Truly a great a job done with sound, but the voice acting is lacking, but mainly because of the script. The action takes centre stage so the dialogue is only used for plot forwarding in parts. Go out and see this film, it’s different...in a good way.

7/10

Simon Childs

Richard Kelly pushed the button.

The Box - Richard Kelly

Richard Kelly’s film history is small compared to directors with the same status in the underground cult groups. His most successful film is Donnie Darko and it seems that his films after that are only trying to achieve the same feel and style whilst using a story that tries to make sense. It’s a common theme from his work, except for writing Domino (which he didn’t direct) which was a big pile of shit. Southland Tales was decent in parts but tried to confuse the viewer into thinking it was intelligent. And of course, Donnie Darko is a superb film, crafted brilliantly, but that’s because it was the piece his career was made on, it had to be good. But now he’s made it, he doesn’t have to try too hard. As i was thinking, Kelly would soon fall into one-hit-wonderum, but instead he fights back with a new film, The Box, starring Cameron (I’ve only made one decent film ever) Diaz and James Marsden.

The plot follows the tale of a couple with a kid who are tested by a man with a box. If they press the big red button on the box, someone, somewhere will die, and they will be given loads of cash for it. Simple premise. Throw in some strange science fiction questions, such as lightning bolts connecting people to other worldly creatures, a man with half his face missing, a town becoming manipulated zombies and base it on questions of human conscious and if a person could really kill, and it’s a good film. It has its random Kelly moments, especially with water, but overall, its questions are in the right place, with the audience being tested. I’m sure at the end of the film, people were asking, would they have the guts to do it. Would i be able to kill for money, and I’m sure most of them would say yes. And i would too. It sounds horrible to think, but then at the same time, i would invest some of that money into a profitable business, get shitloads back and then go to the clinic in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, the one owned by Tom Wilkinson and get my memory erased of it, so then i forgot that i killed someone, and my conscious would be clean. How about that Kelly, didn’t think about that did you!

For a science fiction thriller with horror elements, it’s mediocre; you expect more from a director who got nominated for a shit-ton of awards but as produced nothing like his debut. It’s better than what i thought it would be, with many critics and reviews panning the shit out of it, except for Empire, who i respect as a reviewing system. But it’s simple, it’s a little long, with it being two hours for a horror film essentially, but it feels like a throwback to the old horror from the 60’s and 70’s, where it wasn’t a scare, more of a mental thought.

6/10

Simon Childs

Trailer Watch IX

6th March - 13th March

Welcome readers both old and new, here is another batch of new trailers released for your viewing pleasure. Watch out for next week's batch, as we count down the top ten best trailers so far that we've put up! So every tenth trailer watch, we'll give you the best of the best! We'll be working out which trailer come out the best and reveal it in a weeks time!

And don't forget...PAUL DANO! DON'T FORGET PAUL DANO!

1. Rememeber Me



2. The Runaways



3. The Good Heart



4. Legend of the Guardians



5. Prince of Persia

PONYO, PONYO, MOTHAFUCKING PONYO!

Ponyo - Hayao Miyazaki

I've had the pleasure this week of reviewing three films that i would easily call the best three films i've reviews this year so far! All romantic and gentle films that spring memories of my childhood, my love of life and the wonders of the future. Something i haven't thought about since the last Miyazaki's film, Howl's Moving Castle, and even then, i watched as a double-bill with Spirited Away. That afternoon i felt like a child again and this weekend, i have the same feeling. I think about my future and whats in store. It's a wonderous feeling. Something that Disney and Studio Ghibli purposefully do. I've got the Studio Ghibli collection on DVD and it's a prize possession in my collection, a real die hard fan would have them, and watch them all the time and one day want to be a part of that system, which i want to. I want to be a part of a company who keeps producing high quality films for all ages. As a filmmaker, Ghibli, especially Miyazaki is a major influence on my work, even in the smallest details.

Ponyo, the lastest in the collection, follows the story of Sosuke and a fish-girl named Ponyo. Sosuke meets Ponyo, in the form of a fish and has a deep connection with. After being taken by her father back into the sea, Ponyo wishes to become human so she can be with Sosuke. She uses her father's magic to become human and meets with Sosuke. When she does this, the world becomes unbalanced and storms and high seas begin to appear. Sosuke and Ponyo must go find help and find Sosuke's Mother, which in turns tests the love of Sosuke and Ponyo. It's a simple plot about two people falling in love, and what they would do for each other, but it's told in such a childish manner, that it gives it a basic love feel, nothing sexually or harmful, just pure love for something. It's refreshing to see that. Classic Disney films are full of it, and that's why everyone loves them. It's gives love a pure quality, not like the purity rings and all that jazz, but just love, in it's simplist form. Adult and child will "get" the film and enjoy it. It's that simple. Obviously it's aimed at a younger audience, a little younger than the audience that was there for Spirited Away and Howl's Moving Castle because of the dialogue and action, Ponyo is less dark and scary and more about swooping lines and curvy creatures.

If Studio Ghibli release a film every year forever, i will be happy. I know many of the reviews i do, i almost pointlessly put a film down, saying how shit it is, but with this film, i can't fault it. I go all childish about it, like im a young boy again. I can't make dirty jokes about it. I would give it a ten or even a nine, but it's not as good as Spirited Away which is a 10 and Howl's Moving Castle which is a 9! Bring on next week's shit films! YEAH!

8/10

Simon Childs