Crazy Heart – Scott Cooper
I’ve mentioned before my love of the actor, the legend that is Jeff Bridges, and nowadays, it seems that every film he’s been in and had a release, I’m reviewing. Almost feel kinda biased towards him. It’s like a secret man-crush, well not very secret as I’ve described to you the many ways i love him, as an actor and as a man, but because of his great career and how every single film he ever makes is wonderful, then I’m gonna have to keep going. Strangely today though, i find myself, not enjoying his latest offering, Crazy Heart. His performance in it is excellent but sadly his one performance cannot string this poorly paced, boring film together and which ultimately comes across as a Walk the Line impression which fails greatly. It sounds kinda harsh, true, but i know Jeff can bounce back. He got a lot of awards for his performance and a lot of applause for it, i totally agree, it’s a wonderful display by the man, but the film is fucking boring. Not as boring as say 2012 (look at my review at that film and you’ll realise my deep hatred for it) but it’s still dull. I just want to be brain-numbing entertained. I want to switch off and just watch shit happen. Like Transformers, a shit film, but fucking amazing if you just switch off, the soundtrack is always good, the action sequences last a decade. Quality.
Anyway, back to Crazy Heart, it follows an old, drunk famous musician, imagine the old folk singers, like Bob Dylan and Willie Nelson, but add less fame and fortune and performing in small bars to 10 or 20 people. The once famous Bridges now plays bowling alleys for money and is always trying to find new venues to play and get back to his arena tours. Throw in some love story with Maggie Gyllenhaal and some songs played by Bridges, and the film is basically that. Not much exciting happens, until a good three quarters in where the character seems to be getting worse and worse with his antics. Plus a huge appearance by Colin Farrell, who seems to be annoying in nearly everything he’s in, but here, he comes off quite well. It has nice ending, ties everything together, but it will bore. I don’t really suggest viewing it, but instead watching Walk the Line which is ultimately better than this.
I just hope that the next film Bridges releases will be awesome, which I’m guessing it will be, i believe it to be Tron: Legacy. Which, if you haven’t seen the trailers for, please go watch them and cry in joy like i have many a time. Deep tears of joy that i collect in a small Jeff Bridges lunchbox plastered with his face. I also like to wash my face in these tears in the lunchbox. Got a problem with that?
5/10
Simon Childs
Law Abiding Citizen - F. Gary Gray
To be surprised in Cinema anymore is rare, to find a story you haven’t seen before or to find characters who you’ve never sided with before, it’s something you treasure, which truly separates a film from being good to being amazing. Finding a film that does that, that’s where the difficultly comes in. Not based on how many millions of people saw it like Avatar or how many awards it got, like The Hurt Locker or how many stars magazines and newspapers gave it, for example Empire giving 5 stars to District 9. To find a film, that no one knows about, that not much information has been released about, but you know, it will never be forgotten as an amazing film by you. Now I’ve only ever had that feeling a couple of times in my life, finding a film so excellent that i tell my friends about it, we watch it together and it keeps spreading, but recently, it’s hard to find a film that good, that hasn’t been noticed yet. And Law Abiding Citizen is a film that had the attention, but got given terrible reviews, when in fact; i think it’s a decent film worth seeing. It’s the total opposite of what i was talking about earlier, where too much publicity could ultimately harm your film, especially with the leads being Jamie Foxx and Gerald Butler.
The film follows a lawyer who gets entangled with a widow’s revenge where his wife and child were killed and the two responsible are not given the right amount of justice. Butler sets about a string of killings with everyone involved in the case, leading to him being arrested and locked up, but still people die. The gradual build up of the plot is delightful and you fully realise by the end of it how fucking evil Butler really is. I won’t ruin the ending, but it’s a good plot twist. Foxx plays it well, trying to figure out Butler’s next move. It mixes Shawshank Redemption with recent films revolved around exaggerate killings and tests. The film is layered with questions about revenge and picking which side you would agree with, Butler, standing up for his dead family and making sure he gets his justice he deserves or Foxx, who follows the law system and only does what he is allowed to do. It’s a great question to ask, one that doesn’t have an easy answer to.
So overall, a decent film, a really decent film, something that will surprise you. It has a good pace, good action sequences and the acting isn’t as off putting as you first may believe. So go check it out, it may be a surprise hit for many. I don’t understand the bad reviews, but i guess its different strokes, different folks.
7/10Simon Childs
Alice In Wonderland - Tim Burton
Let’s begin with the story of my admiration for a man named Tim Burton. It all started watching The Nightmare before Christmas, then his short Frankenweenie and then buying his collection of poems and short stories, illustrated by him. What a wondrous start. Then i fell in love with Edward Scissorhands and Beetlejuice, great films, fucking weird but great, following the trend of the animation and illustrations. Then came the Batman films. Now i like them, for taking the Batman franchise and placing it into the larger society, making the character what it is today, but compared to the comics and how the character should have been displayed, like in The Dark Knight, it’s awful. I think Burton was more focused on creating a creepy world for Batman to be in, rather than create a Batman that drew a lot from his background and history in the DC comics. Moving onto other films like Charlie and the Chocolate factory, which i didn’t like, James and the Giant Peach, which i did enjoy, Mars Attacks, which freaks the shit out of me, then Sleepy Hollow which was well made. Planet of the Apes, a big pile of poo, whilst Big Fish, was surprisingly good, Corpse Bride tried to recapture Nightmare’s good parts and create a new tale, but wasn’t as good, but still decent and then Sweeney Todd, a decent musical, something i will never say very often, as i hate musicals. And so we arrive at Alice in Wonderland. And if you follow the trail, in recent times, Burton has lacked the spark which once made him great; does Alice have the same fate?
Sadly, yes, it’s poor. Compared to his past, it’s not that good. It has a strange storyline, which somehow doesn’t work, the performances lack any direction, and are just there to fall in line with the Burton way, which is make everything weird. The CGI is good, but you always have the feeling that it’s not real. It almost feels like an animation. But maybe in a couple of year’s time, it will be better. The story follows Alice, who is beckoned once again to Wonderland to fight the evil Red Queen and save the day. Stars Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter, an unknown actress as Alice, Helen Botham Carter, who is cast in everything Burton does, as the Red Queen, Anne Hathaway as the White Queen, which is actually cringely funny to watch. It just shows that when people are in Burton films, they have to act like what they think Burton likes, mainly just twirling, putting your hands in the air and having your eyes larger. Stephen Fry, Alan Rickman, Matt Lucas and a few others round up the cast as the animated characters like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.
You’ll be disappointed by the film, it has large places of nothing happening, no humour, and the pace is very off. Not seeing it at an IMAX or in 3D, i feel like i may have taken away the main draw of the film, which it is meant to be, but at the same time, it shouldn’t rely on it for its fun.
4/10
Simon Childs
Astroboy - David Bowers
One of the most famous and prolific animated characters has had a recent outing, being updated for the American audiences, for people who don’t know the name or who he is. This character, originated in Asia, stared in many video games, television shows, films, graphic novels, comic books, novels, and shitloads of stuff really. His name is Astroboy. A robotic boy made by his inventor father after the real boy dies. He’s a culture figure in Asia, and to the masses of fans of anime and following the cultural figures from cartoons, but as fallen out of the limelight in the Western world. Ask a person who Astroboy is, chances are, they either know of the name or know what he looks like or sometimes people just won’t know. They know more about Snooki then they know about Astroboy.
Any who, the story follows a famous inventor, here voiced by the strangely good Nicolas Cage, or Nic Cage, which sounds fifty times cooler. He is a famous inventor who helps in building robots and creates the future of society, where they are living on a large piece of land which is floating in the sky, covered in technology advancements and helpful robots, he has a son, who he loves, he accident is killed, and a robotic version is created using a piece of pure ultimate good energy, creating the strongest, the fastest and the smartest robot ever, being able to think like a regular human and fit into society easily. But as he learns to find out he is a robot, he begins to experience problems with fitting in, especially his father who cannot accept himself for what he has done to his original son. Through in a political struggle between the current major and the inventor, a fight ensues over the created ultimate good energy, along with the invented ultimate bad energy. Yes, it sounds very cheesy, but it’s a kid’s film, come on.
Overall, for a CGI film, its good, it has some parts that bore you and have no action, to parts that are explosive and defiantly going in the right direction. But as a whole, the film lacks the Pixar quality for it to be taken seriously as a great animation film. Unfortunately because of how great Pixar is, all animated films are compared to them, it should be the level of all quality, which Studio Ghibli, the Japanese animation company always seems to compete with, and Astroboy falters. Even Wallace and Gromit matched up to the standards...
5/10
Simon Childs
The Book of Eli – The Hughes Brothers
The destruction of civilisation, the end of humanity, the final days of man, the, erm, stopping of, say, perhaps, people? Yeah, there have been loads of media, including films, television shows, video games, that depict the end of the world, where it becomes a baron wasteland. We’ve all seen different interpretations, some original, some following the general consensus of how the human race will become horrible, ravaged people, fighting to stay alive. And to a point, they could be true, i certainly believe that without the right order, chaos would ensue. But, the way that people suddenly change is slightly more exaggerated, for instance, if the world did go to shit, i would instantly kill my family for the last of the milk supply in the fridge. And i would stab my neighbour’s cat for food. Come on. We are not that bad, maybe in extreme circumstances, but i highly doubt it! Anyway, here is a new version of the world becoming destroyed by something or someone, and it follows a lone man, wandering through the desert to find something. It’s The Book of Eli staring the always amazing Denzel Washington and Gary Oldman with the on/off Mila Kunis.
The plot revolves around civilisation being destroyed by an explosion. It isn’t really described in detail what has happened, but something to do with the sun perhaps? I’m not entirely sure what happened, just that everyone is killing anyone for food and water, that towns are rundown, filled with people in raggy clothes and beards. A lot of beards. Denzel stars as a man who just walks a lot, and can fight very well. He likes to wear sunglasses too. There is a massive twist at the end, that you won’t quite believe, but it works, adds a new angle to the whole film and you question the beginning to the end. Oldman stars as a sheriff of a local town who is in search of books, so by having these books he can take control of other towns as he seems to be the only one who can read. He is desperate search of the bible, as all copies were destroyed in a massive fire back in the day of the explosion which caused the world to be like this. So, with that in mind, you can guess who has a copy. It begins a cat and mouse chase with Mila Kunis involved as Denzel’s love interest who after being a slave to Oldman, follows Denzel and helps him out with his travels.
It’s okay. It’s very long in parts, not much happens, but the action sequences are shot well. It’s defiantly not going to win any acting awards, it’s a middle order film, where it isn’t amazing, nor is it shit. It will fill a good hour or two of your time, but don’t expect anything truly spectacular.
6/10
Simon Childs
The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus – Terry Gilliam
I wanted to put a title that summed up this film. I thought for a long time about it, i even delayed myself writing it. I wanted it to sink in, to slowly bubble in my subconscious and that when i came to writing the review, i could eloquently place the right words in a sentence that described Terry Gilliam’s latest feature, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. And after a long time of thinking, of just sitting at my desk, my computer next to my fingertips, i still couldn’t think of the right thing to say. Only three words kept coming to mind and i knew i could never use them. It’s not proper reviewing, it’s not professional, but seeing as this is a blog online, created by a university student, being read mostly by students, i must use these three words: WHAT. THE. FUCK. Throughout the film, that’s the three words that kept coming to mind.
Now, i get film, i get some parts of the surreal, the mind boggling, the pieces that just don’t make sense and are meant to be like that. Sometimes i like that, but most of the time, i just want to be entertained, i want to be switched off. It’s like watching a TV show, listening to music or going to the theatre. It’s entertainment. It’s meant to take me to places i have never been or put me into universes that i want to be a part of. But this, it just down righted confused me. I get the plot, where Doctor Parnassus has made a deal with the devil to capture souls and if he hasn’t collected enough by his daughters 18th, she will become Lucifer’s new slave. Doctor Parnassus uses his travelling shows to tempt people into his “universes” where he tests them and makes them better people, seeing their true happiness. And after finding Tony, the hanging man, they use his charm to lure more souls. That’s the basic premise, but still, I’m fucking confused.
Maybe you’ll have better luck that me watching this. Maybe you’ve watched Gilliam pieces before and just are used to his style, to the way the audience are meant to be challenged and bemused. But me, I’ll stick to Die Hard, to Star Wars and to superhero films. Because that’s what i like and used to. But I’m sure it will make you think, but you got to stick through it. You got to stick with it till the end, don’t be put off by the strange pacing or the sometimes wooden acting. Just try it out.
6/10
Simon Childs
Nothing To Lose:
Late last night, I watched the newly minted action team flick The Losers. I found myself at the offset cynically thinking about the number of action team related films coming out this year – For the nostalgic crowd The A-Team remake, upcoming action buff love fest The Expendables and for the alternative quasi-comic book followers comes The Losers. Just what the trailer had told me – That a group of elite soldiers had been framed but escaped, who are now on the run, and if you’ve got a problem and if you can – oh no wait. Sorry. All joking aside and whatever the motivation for this movie, this film looked like an entertaining side booth for those not overly excited about the A Team or any film involving Sly Stallone, so I thought what the hell, I’ll give it a shot. 1 hour and 40 minutes later, I was left with a decidedly pedestrian view of the whole thing.
Aside from the trailer showing the best and most exciting seconds of the film (but that’s my own personal hatred of trailers for you), what’s left of the film is either less exciting than hoped or less impacting than a sponge salad. You remember all those films that rushed everything? You realise they’re going in for the big battle and its only an hour in? I guess that was my biggest problem with this film – it’s all over far too quickly and you’re left with 8 pounds out of your pocket, half you’re popcorn left and another hour to kill.
The acting, such as it ever is in an action film, was a fun distraction but nothing special – the best part probably being Chris Evan’s failed attempts to act natural (we have all been in the same situation). As I say, the film was nothing special to me. But looking back at the over acting villain, the gratuitous explosions and classic action film archetypes, I wonder if the point of this movie is to create an alternative 80s throwback, complete with melodrama, romance and black stereotypes; a flashback to the film that never happened, but maybe should have. Like I said, this is truly a film for those hoping to avoid The A-team’s sentimentality or The Expendables inevitable bare chested 50 year old action star’s:
This film never claimed to be about winners, for winners or even be a winner. Its The Losers, exactly what it says on this tin. And if you’ve got 100 minutes and a tenner to spare, then you’ve got nothing to lose.
Rating: An eventual 6.5/10
SMT
The Losers – Sylvain White
A slew of new releases lately have been following the mantra of having large ensemble casts, with large explosions, witty comments about society, cool graphics, up to date music and short in length, and The Losers follows in that trend. Seen in films such as Law Abiding Citizen, Gamer, Wanted and other such hits, the audience are just let into a world of unbelievable acrobatics, where the characters will never die, unless the lover of the main character, the traitor or the funny sidekick. The Losers, adapted from a relatively famous and well-liked graphic novel, similar vein with Kick-Ass but revolving around war and destruction, it tells the story of a group of mercenaries, who are set up and become wanted men, they try to regain their life’s back after them being destroyed by the government they worked for.
The cast has the whose-who of random television and film actors, starring the guy from Greys Anatomy, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, the guy who was recently in Luthor, or if you follow your American sitcoms, The Office, back a few series ago, Idris Elba. Followed by the stereotypical token Mexican/Porta Rican/South American who doesn’t say much, Columbus Short, the computer tech geek played by the future Captain America, Chris Evans. Rounding up the cast is Zoe Saldana, the franchise stealer with appearances in Star Trek and Avatar. She’s in high demand clearly. The villain is played here by the famous actor who you know the face of but can’t quite put the name to. Its fine, i was thinking for at least a week after watching the film to find out who he was, i finally caved and searched on Wikipedia and imdb and found out it was Jason Patric who was in The Lost Boys, Speed 2 and In the Valley of Elah. Big films!
Lets back to the review, it’s a decent film, has got good set pieces, good action, a great comedic turn from Chris Evans, shows he isn’t a one trick pony, which, the more and more i see of him being someone else, showing that he isn’t one dimensional, the more confident I’m getting of the Captain America film being fucking amazing. But yeah, check it out for a laugh, it’s short, it packs a punch, a few massive errors are there, but for a short while you’ll be enjoyed, some new ideas thrown in, but the ending is clear from the get go. The more films like this are released, the more unhappier I’ll get though, i don’t want production companies to keep producing these types of films, i want longer, better scripted and better ideas thrown in. I can’t wait for the action film of the year Inception, reckon it’s gonna blow everything out of the water and show young directors and production companies that putting money into something with half a brain is clearly worth it. Or it will show that Christopher Nolan is the best and that everybody should stop working in the business. I hope it’s the first option.
6/10
Simon Childs
Capitalism: A Love Story – Michael Moore
Another documentary review after the lovely and beautifully crafted American: The Bill Hicks Story, and this one, made by the king of the documentary, the master, the Hollywood standard documentary maker, the one, the only, Michael Mother Fucking Moore. A legend in his own right. Not one documentary maker comes to mind who is on the same level that Moore is on successful and more renowned. With films like Bowling For Columbine, Fahrenheit 9/11 and Sicko, Capitalism: A Love Story follows in the footsteps of mixing heart breaking stories, hard hitting truths, funny videos, engaging interviews and intelligent quips made by Moore. It follows the line of being an interesting piece that showcases something wrong with society, in this case, Wall Street in America and the economy as a whole, questioning the government and the connections it has with the companies that seem to the run the society it supplies.
A combination of interviews with people in financial crisis, showing the true affect on the average American person, with personal reveals of Moore’s family and the workforce loss mixed with interviews with experts and stunts, that seem tacky and unexplained, but show that the companies don’t care, and that money rules the land. These little sequences are the weakest thing in the film, but overall, the heart ache of the real people is deafening. It’s very similar to the sequence in Fahrenheit 9/11, the strongest scene i remember in the cinema, fully booked, everybody watching the screen and it felt like forever. Audio of the place crashing, hearing people scream and cry whilst the setting around them exploded. It was moving. I think it was one of the boldest things I’ve ever seen a film do. And the film follows in that same trend.
Overall, the film is wonderful, has a great pace, it sets out who is evil and who is good and just keeps shocking all the way through. Not knowing about this issue before watching the film, i had no idea the extend of the situation and how terrible the crisis is. It informs most of all, and it shows Moore is catering towards a world audience instead of an American one, especially with a large following in the UK, the film feels like it was made for us to understand and to join in the hatred and despair Moore has for America. I would recommend the film if you’re a fan of documentaries, a fan of Michael Moore, a fan of the truth or a fan of decent films.
8/10
Simon Childs
Cop Out – Kevin Smith
I’m gonna be honest here and say something that some people will think is controversial or think is a load of bollocks and such, but i like Kevin Smith. I like his films, i like his books, i especially like his podcasts, and I just rather like everything he’s done, like the Reaper pilot, cameos in Fanboys and many others flicks too. I just enjoy his work and he makes me laugh on a very basic level. I can read his books, listen to him on the podcasts and i can watch his films and everything makes me laugh. It’s very hard to find a person who can do that on so many levels. And I’ve seen him live twice and he is easily better than most comedians I’ve seen. And now onto his latest directorial piece, named Cop Out, formally called A Couple of Dicks. Starring the awesome Bruce Willis and the talented and underused Tracy Morgan, and the on-off Seann William Scott, in a tale about cops who go in search of a baseball card and end up in a whole heap of trouble.
It’s got a basic premise; Morgan and Willis play partners in the police department who after foiling an undercover drugs bust get suspended. A baseball card that Willis had is stolen, and its worth a lot of money, that money was going to be used to pay for his daughter’s wedding. They go on a chase to try to find the card, along the way become friends with the thief, Scott, a gang of Mexicans, who in the end are the bad guys. It’s very funny and the pacing is wonderful for a comedy action film. Don’t expect mass amounts of action, but it’s very Die Hard and 80’s cop pieces. It takes those films and adds next twists, updating the genre. The genre here is new for Smith, something he has never done before and kudos to him for doing a decent job. It’s not amazing, but it’s funny. Moments are laugh out loud and are worth a second or third viewing, but some parts lack.
Overall, a good film with some strong comedy acting from Willis and stand out performance from Morgan (and if you haven’t seen 30 Rock, go kill yourself!). Smith shows he can direct a studio flick instead of his indie type pictures he’s made in his career, so i look forward to the next one he creates. The look is very different to the past, and with more money underneath him, he can show that he isn’t just a one track pony, with dick and fart jokes. Which by the way, i think are funny. A decent dick and fart joke is probably better than any Scary Movie and all those parody films combined over the last ten years. They suck balls.
7/10
Simon Childs
American: The Bill Hicks Story – Matt Harlock and Paul Thomas
An unknown release, only showing in certain “indie” cinemas, only for two days. It’s a shamble. Sure it’s a documentary about an American comedian who died many years ago made by his family and showing his birth to his death, but the mans a comedy legend. Without him, many comedians today wouldn’t exist. If you haven’t seen Bill Hicks stand up, please, close this down now, go onto YouTube or whatever video site you use and please watch all of them. It will blow your mind. The guy just pours out hatred but what comes with it, is truth. He’s the most truthful, hard hitting comedian you’ll meet. And he died at the age of 32. It’s a pity. If he was still around today, he’d be world renowned. And what’s marks this release of the film, is that Hicks was more successful in the UK than the US. Why isn’t the release bigger and showing in more places? I saw it on a Wednesday night, in a small cinema, sitting about 30 people. And the screening was fully booked. Surely it shows the audience that has always loved his work and would love to hear more about him?
The documentary follows the life and death of Hicks, using photos from all ages and animating them in scenes the family and friends of Hicks describes. Inserted video footage of Hicks performing live also appears and gives great breaks from learning about him and showing what Hicks was born to do: entertain. From the ups and downs, when he first took drugs to when his slot on David Letterman wasn’t aired, compared to most comedians, Hick’s life isn’t as bad as you think. It’s mostly full of funny moments, showing that Hicks loved to perform, from an early age he had the bug for it. And up to his death, he just wanted to express his opinions and be counted. His early death at the age of 32 is horrifying to think that people won’t be able to see Hicks live, and i myself am truly gutted never to have seen him. He’s always named as one of the best stand up comedians in lists made throughout the world, including ones where comedians name people in the industry who they love, Hicks has always been top or near about.
So check this documentary out somewhere, maybe not in the cinema, but on DVD, because you’ll realise that you’ve missed out on one of the greatest comedians of all time, and the film expresses the true Hicks, in an eye-opening way. Not once was i bored or not interested, it’s a beautifully crafted piece with real heart and passion.
8/10
Simon Childs
The Firm – Nick Love
A late review yes, but only just peeping it out on DVD, it deserved to be recognised. A film that breaks the mould of the hooligan film, well kinda, it doesn’t focus on it too much. It’s more about the comedy, more about capturing the era, the early nineties, the late eighties, showing the horrible fashion sense, the music and the times when it mattered. The firms of West Ham and Millwall, sure, they’ve always had bad press, talking about fans attacking other fans and police. But let’s not get too into that, it’s been done to death in the papers, especially being a Millwall fan myself, its shit how many times the media have to jump onto the bandwagon of hatred towards the club. The film does have scenes of violence but it paints the time it happens, not now. Its twenty years ago, the kind of thing happens and wasn’t in the media as much before it was blown out of the water by the exposure of it all.
The film follows a young West Ham fan who becomes a friend to the head of the firm, some admiration on his part, makes do pretty much what the head firm guy wants, changing his attire, attending anything he wants, the young kid has a strange connection with him. Mix in scenes with the family giving him stick for it, and throw in some fights and violence and that’s the film. It’s not got a lot of detail to it, but it’s good. I enjoyed it a lot more than other films about the subject. It’s better than Green Street but not as good as Football Factory. But it serves a different audience. More on a comedic level. It’s written and directed by Nick Love, who directed The Business and other such Danny Dyer films, and he pulls away from the pit that could have put him in and made something decent. Other people may disagree with my views on the film, calling it shit and predictable. Sure it has a poor ending, it’s not dramatic enough, but it’s still a good funny film. Plus it’s filed in my local areas, places I’ve walked through and know of. It’s a good reminder of my roots and where i come from. So go check it out, you might enjoy it, you might not, but what am i though? I’m just a Millwall fan who likes to watch films. MIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLWWWWWAAAAALLLLLLL!
Sorry, had to be done!
7/10
Simon Childs
Paranormal Activity – Oren Peli
Your probably wondering what the title of the review is about. Well i believe that Paranormal Activity would be condensed into like about 5 to 10 minutes. Sounds strange yes with all the reviews and how many people believe it to be a smash hit and how amazing it is. And I’m not denying it. But if they used the ten minutes that i loved and spread it out, like used that as a template and placed the ten minutes of awesome throughout, then the film would have been an instant classic, which to some people it already has because of the low cost and high amounts of money it made. It’s going to start a trend of low budget horror films that show that a decent script, good performances and a decent new director could lead to something magical. Which i guess has always been there, but it depends on the backing of the studios. It depends if the studios can back something that on paper won’t be successful. So back to the film, yes its horrible, yes its genuinely terrifying especially the parts with her standing over her husband and the ending (depends on which one you saw!), but it’s a decent horror film, it scares. But the pace is off for me. It takes almost an hour before something scary happens. And for a horror film, that’s way too long. Far too long.
Two characters star in the film, a couple, moving into a new house, the girlfriend experiences strange goings on, tell the guy, he films them sleeping, sees some strange stuff. They both begin to believe that the house is haunted. Some twists follow and some appearances from a priest and a psychic, both believe something gravely is happening. This leads to the best ten minutes of the film, i won’t ruin it, but you’ll see what i mean. It’s fucking scary. I was watching it with my brother who is 27, and I’m 20. We are both grown men. We aren’t scared, but I’m being truthful here, we were watching it behind pillows and behind our hands that were covering our faces. It’s horrible. But in a good way, not in a human centipede way. The performances are from unknown actors, giving that even unknowns can play the roles way, the guy comes off as a bit of a dick, but that’s intentional i believe; the scene with the board and insisting on continuing to use it, you’ll want to throw your own shit or vomit at the screen to slap some sense into him.
It got great reviews, many people liked it, and it’s good. Don’t go in expecting something crazy great like the first Saw, but you’ll enjoy it. I just hope they don’t turn into Saw by having a shit version of it every year for the next ten years. Would ruin a good film. My breath is being held for Paranormal Activity 2.
6/10
Simon Childs
The Men Who Stare At Goats – Grant Heslov
I love Jeff Bridges, i really do, the man is a living legend, and I would any film with him in it, especially his films of the last ten years. And i love Tron. It clearly stems from that film and his awesome geeky performance. Now, with the revitalising career, he’s being placed in films, left, right and centre, playing the villain in Iron Man, then getting award nods for Crazy Heart (the review coming very soon) and now with this, Men Who Stare At Goats, and he’s not even the lead man, George Clooney is. Bridges here does steal the show in every scene he’s in, but it’s with the likes of Clooney, Ewan McGregor and Kevin Spacey, something like a legend Bridges can do. Playing a spaced out hippy who believes that mind powers exist and that people can be used to kill terrorists. It’s very funny. The reason i chose to see it, is because of the lead actors. Clooney in Up in the Air and Fantastic Mr Fox gave me hope that he is decent and not some good-looking guy just playing on it and some ER reject. Harsh words i know. McGregor is a hit and miss for me. Trainspotting is awesome, Down With Love, not so much. Star Wars Episode 3, Revenge of the Sith, big fan, episode 1 and 2, i want to kill him. So ups and downs. Spacey is great in mostly everything and his turn of being the dicky villain works.
A highly secret unit of soldiers in the war were created to combat soldiers in a different form: through the mind. Set up by Bridges character, he recruits Clooney and Spacey, a bit of rivalry occurs between the two and leads to the program being destroyed. A few years later, a writer, McGregor, wants to write a story about the war, he goes to the country and happens to bump into Clooney. They begin to talk and McGregor wants to write the story of the whole thing, get it published. They delve deeper into the program and find results that are shocking. Very funny, very political and very now. It has messages about the war happening now, almost making fun of it. And it’s good to see intelligent humour once again but does have points of slapstick, stoner comedy elements.
Overall, a decent film, something just to switch into, it won’t change your view or become an instant classic, but it’s funny. i didn’t have high hopes for it, so was pleasantly surprised, go into the film expecting nothing and you’re guaranteed to come away happy.
6/10
Simon Childs
The Human Centipede – Tom Six
Now, let’s start with the whole logic behind this next review. I’ve seen the trailers, I’ve seen the news coverage and I’ve seen other people’s reviews of it. I went into thinking it was going to be okay, kinda like a mix between Hostel and Saw films with added gore for a low budget affair. And i wasn’t expecting it to be brilliant, and it isn’t, it’s a low budget fluff film that has a concept that will blow your mind. Sure there are massive faults, like the slow pacing, the half dramatic ending, and the shoddy acting, but i guess when the only characters who can talk is a fucking mad scientist and a Chinese guy who doesn’t speak English, the script isn’t going to be strong. Onto the concept. I’ve watched a lot of horror films, some have shocked and scared me, Blair Witch when it first came out, Evil Dead, Cannibal Holocaust, Dawn of the Dead, Braindead, all of these have aspects of shock and gore and blood, but Human Centipede has something that i never expected, utter terror. Utter terror of the idea that a “normal” human being actually thought about this and even gave its “100% medical accurate” stamp of approval. Sure, horror writers have thought of some fucked up things, but this, sticking three human beings together by the anus and the mouth, its stuff you would find on the internet with two girls, one cup or scat porn.*
The story follows a mad German doctor (it always has to be them doesn’t it, the mad German doctors who just can’t be normal doctors willing to help the sick and needy), who after many years of fantasying about things being stuck together, finally moves from using animals to using humans. He captures three people, sticks them together and bang, there’s the film. Yes the plot is that thread-bare, it’s more of the shock of actually seeing three humans stuck that way, just an hour’s worth of glory shots of the “human centipede”. The process of the human centipede is where there are three people. All lined up on their knees, the first person facing forward on knees, the next person behind them, their mouth attached to the first person’s anus via taking skin and muscle from the knee cap and attaching it to the face and bum. The third person is then attached to the second’s person’s anus using skin from the knee again. And there we have it. The Human Fucking Centipede. Doesn’t it just make you sick?
And on a final note, don’t watch it whilst eating.
*Now for legal purposes and for reputation purposes, obviously, I’m going by rumour and myth here and do not watch scat porn and have never seen two girls, one cup. Yes, I’m coming forward and saying I’ve never seen it.
4/10
Simon Childs
Harry Brown – Daniel Barber
Over the recent decade, London filmmakers have been showing the city to be gritty, full of crime, violence, alcohol abuse, drug taking, underage sex, horrible, horrible things occurring throughout. Now growing up in London, sure i was exposed to certain things, some bad, but I’m sure everyone has. Films like Kidulthood and Adulthood were new to the audiences, giving teenagers a voice, showing them how they talked, and what happened. And with Harry Brown, it shows it too. It gives young people, who are the sort who watch these films, emulate it and such, that’s how they really act. Now I’m not saying its all teenagers, but a strong group of them. They cause violence and live life like they own it. And it’s horrible. I’m sure we’ve all been there, getting mugged by a chav or some dickhead who’s been underage drinking or something. And to have a hero like Michael Caine, appear and fuck them up, makes it ten times better. I wouldn’t have it any other way, other than the legend that is Michael fucking Caine.
It follows Michael, a pensioner, a widow, living on a shitty London estate. Local gangs run the place, causing havoc and terrorising anyone who crosses their path. Events lead Caine to get revenge and find the members who killed his best friend, the caretaker from Harry Potter. It’s gruesome, it’s shocking and most of all, the audience agree with Caine. They want him to succeed, they want him to fuck these little immature teenagers and show them that their ways have to stop. Add some cameos from that “hard” guy from Skins plus a great character played by the rapper Plan B, last seen in the okay Kidulthood. His performance is great, he plays it well, you can see he hasn’t done it because of his fame but because he actually has some talent. I just hope Dappy from N Dubz doesn’t want to be the next big British actor; otherwise, we are all fucked!
And on a final note, i apologise for the amount of swearing in this review, i just get that way talking about LAAAAANNNNDDDDOOOONNNN Town, as Amy Winehouse once said. Every time i go back, i act all cockney, and i guess with this film, it brings back memories, not always well, but i guess liveable. The film has been likened to Gran Torino, a similar tale in America starring Clint Eastwood as Michael Caine in the situation, taking the law into his own hands. I must admit before seeing Harry Brown, i wasn’t looking forward to something good, i was surprised, as I’m sure you will be too, and defiantly check out Gran Torino if you like it too.
7/10
Simon Childs
Gentlemen Broncos – Jared Hess
Appearing out of nowhere, the latest Jared Hess creation appears in UK cinemas this week after finally getting the distribution deal. Does it deserve it? Does it deserve to be released in the cinemas to massive audiences, audiences who loved Napoleon Dynamite and semi-enjoyed Nacho Libre? The answer is sorta yes. Napoleon Dynamite is a fantastic film, one that I’m sure everyone you know loves and probably quotes on a regular bases. Seriously, it’s that good. Nacho Libre, a hit and miss with certain people, of course people hate Jack Black for no reason, so most of the hatred comes from people really disliking him, but overall, it’s a decent film. I like it. But it’s no Napoleon Dynamite. Now with Gentlemen Broncos, a similar style and technical piece, crafted using the Hess model, strange characters, doing mundane things in a slightly weird manner. The lead characters are outcasts, regular, normal people. Not action heroes or loveable romantics, just regular people, and that’s the connection the audience get with these people. They are them. But unfortunately, after seeing the same film three times, but with just different names and different actors, it feels tired. The “trying too hard to impress” badge has been waivered here because it’s a decent film, but just feels like it’s trying too much to be a part of the that group. Similar to Wes Anderson, but with his films, they grow, they become something different and better. Ever Wes Anderson fan has a favourite of the collection, different emotional feelings for each one. Hess fans just dig Napoleon.
The story follows Benjamin, who is a science fiction writer, who writes a massive novel about a yeast lord, who is played, by the saving grace of this film, Sam Rockwell, who acts out scenes from the book. And anyway, his idea gets stolen by two parties, one with a girl who Ben likes and they want to turn into a film, which turns out to be shit and the other, a well known writer, played by Jermaine Clement, as seen in Flight of the Conchords, who turns it into a strangely gay science fiction piece. As mentioned before the scenes with Rockwell acting out the novel are the best parts, both the straight version and the overly camp version. Clement i wished would have stolen the show. Any film with him in it, makes it ten times better in my eyes, but to find out that it doesn’t go that well for him, it’s not great. I just hope his film career isn’t ruined by this film! Eagle vs. Shark is his finest hour!
But overall the film is okay, it’s watchable, but it will make you question Hess and his film legacy, will he be remembered for being a one hit wonder or leave a stamp of great films? I hope it’s the later.
5/10
Simon Childs
Fantastic Mr Fox – Wes Anderson
Now let’s begin this review with a quick note. I love Wes Anderson and all of his films. He’s an inspiration for my writing and for my work as a writer and director and I’m sure he has that affect for many people in this generation, the generation of facebook, top shop clothing, cider and black, Playstation 3/x-box 360 and hard drugs. Was that right? Anyway, he’s work is amazing, throughout, someone who hasn’t dropped the ball and keeps getting better. Your probably wondering why this little note was added, well because I’m against certain people. The people, who will literally steal the style from Wes, steal the awkwardness and characteristics of the work. I hate those people who think that by taking other peoples originality and spawning into something fucking unbelievable shit. And i know, just around the corner in the next twenty years, his work will be copied and I’m sure you know of at least one or two films that are blatant doing this. Fucking protest against them!
Now back to the review of the adaptation of the well loved Ronald Dahl book The Fantastic Mr Fox. A classic along with Biff and Chip, Harry Potter and The Hungry Caterpillar. The book is wonderful, a great read for children, something to cherish in the younger years. And the film, well let’s say the film is a different vehicle altogether. I don’t think you can really class them as the same. I would just say that Wes Anderson has taken the characters and setting and cloaked it over a Wes Anderson story and script. You could pretty much do the film without puppets and it would feel like Life Aquatic or Darjeeling. And that’s why I’m not going to associate the two together. I’m not going to reference the book for the idea of the film or the characteristics and how they act, because it’s two separate things and in that aspect, people looking for the adaptation to be close to the original source will be gravely disappointed. It’s not a Where The Wild Things Are type of film. But removing it from its source and now looking at it, solely as a film by Wes Anderson, it’s wonderful and it’s a great film. The direction, the acting, the pacing, the music, most aspects are covered and it becomes very enjoyable for both younger and older viewers. The voice talent on show is of course down to Anderson, casing Bill Murray, Jason Swartzman, Owen Wilson along with the wonderfully funny George Clooney, which was a piece of great casting.
The film tells the story of Mr Fox, voiced by Clooney who steals from three local factories, one making chickens, one making cold meats, and the last making apple cider. The three factory owners are horrible looking, sadistic people, who want the fox dead and begin to battle with the fox and his family to destroy him. It’s a pretty simple premise but crafted brilliantly. I really do recommend peeking this out along with Where The Wild Things Are, both great adaptations of children books.
8/10
Simon Childs
Crazy Heart – Scott Cooper
