MAN VS. WOMAN! Part I

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse – David Slade

Jacob, stay!...sit!.....rollover!

Now as vampire films go I am more of a Blade lover than a Twilight lover. I’m no “Twihard”, I don’t drool when Robert Pattinson sparkles or scream every time Taylor Lautner has his top off (which a bunch of girls did in the cinema, no joke). But I have read the books and seen the first two films, all of which are ok-ish, and I’d heard that this third film was supposed to be the best yet, so I kept my hopes up for a decent cinema experience. I was disappointed.

The plot of the film centres on the everyday problem of having to choose between a vampire who wants to marry you and a werewolf who can’t hold is temper. It’s pretty much New Moon apart from the fact that on top of this poor Bella has to deal with the crazy red haired vampire. Who has created a new born army to tear her to shreds. The way the love triangle between Bella, Jacob and Edward was portrayed just infuriated me, lots of close ups of longing looks and moody stand offs. Nothing really seemed to happen, It was the same thing over and over again. Close up, stand-off and annoying inner monologue, just in different settings. It’s not complex in any way, we all now Bella will stick with Edward so it’s just all rather flat. There is finally some excitement with the fight scene between the newborns and the Cullen’s and werewolves but it didn’t last long enough even though the effects were mostly good. But because all the focus is on Bella the threat of the newborns doesn’t really register, you barely notice them as a threat. This isn’t helped with the fact that any scene with them in makes them out to be more of a disorganised rabble than a horrifying army of blood thirsty beasts. Personally I feel the emphasis should have been on the newborns and Victoria the red headed vampire. It would have made for a more exciting and less annoying film. With the amount of cult followers it has this series should be up there with Harry Potter, but so far the Twilight films have just been lacking. At least with this one they have left you wondering what the Volturi are up to and what could happen next, sort of. And Dakota Fanning is quite fun to watch as a sadistic little vampire girl, but she’s barely in the film.

It’s not so much the best Twilight Saga film yet, more the least bad. With the likelihood that the last book is being split into two films I just hope that they actually let something happen, because so far nothing of interest has. Unless you count the young romance, which if you’re anything like me will annoy the heck out of you by the end if this film. If you must watch it, go ahead, but I’d recommend the soundtrack more.

4/10

Grace Cowie

Please die Vampire and Werewolf, please!

Well, well, well, look at what we’ve got here, another Twilight film. Coming out on DVD just in time for the holiday season and cleverly marketing to all those tweens out there who love a bit of vampire love and underage romance involving prehistoric monsters like Dracula and a werewolf, the third instalment in the series, perfectly named Eclipse (so emo!) can be called one of the largest makers of young girls scream since Justin Bieber. Featuring those young adults you may know, names like Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner, three people who have been thrusted into the limelight under horrible circumstances, now people just can’t get enough of them, peeking into their private life’s and not leaving them alone. I was really sick of the whole coverage of the films and the actors in the films, it was plastered everywhere, does anyone realise there are millions of films out there that are better and need more coverage than this pile of shit?

It’s about some girl who fancies both a vampire and a werewolf like the other films but they are in danger from a war or something and there is this woman on a revenge mission to kill the girl because the vampire loves her. It’s all very stupid and over the top, fights between vampires and werewolves and then fights between the two factions and new vampires. I wasn’t really paying attention to what was really going on because it just seemed like over-the-top nonsense that i wasn’t going to get involved in. It doesn’t excite me, it doesn’t make me think about the characters and how they might be affected by their action. If anything i’m more incline just to listen because the soundtrack is easily the best thing about the whole series. Every movie i listen and not watch and i’m normally happy about this. I really can’t wait for the next one to be released and for the whole thing just to end and people to move on with their lives, but what will happen is that the writer of the whole of this will see that she can’t write anything else and will continue to add to the saga in forms of new books and new spin offs and of course the big studios will continue to pump them out just because they know money is clearly going to be gained.

PLEASE I BEG OF YOU, DON’T WATCH THIS! WATCH SOMETHING GOOD, SOMETHING DECENT! SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T SUCK YOUR SOUL OUT THROUGH YOUR HEELS! JUST LOOK AT ALL THE REVIEWS ON THE SITE AND PICK SOMETHING THAT IS 9/10 RATING WHICH WILL BLOW YOU AWAY COMPARED TO THIS PILE OF SHIT!

2/10

Simon Childs