The Girl Who Played With Fire – Stieg Larsson
The second in the famous Millennium trilogy and the film adaptation of Stieg Larsson books, The Girl Who Played With Fire ups the stakes of the first and puts us again in the shoes of Lisbeth as she goes about trying to clear her name with the help of her good out friend Mikael, an investigative journalist. I surprisingly enjoyed the first film without knowing what they were about and the success of the book series. It’s like someone showing you Harry Potter without knowing anything about The Boy Who Lived and seeing that the films are great, but once you know the books and some of the things they miss out, it may change your view. I haven’t read these books, but there are a lot of people out there who enjoy them and enjoy the films. The second in the trilogy had a lot of hype going into it, it seemed as though they have knocked out all three films in one go as not to change the mood or the style of the whole piece. The third has just recently been released in cinemas, so check out the first two before you do that otherwise you won’t get certain connections or call-backs to previous things such as the relationship between Lisbeth and Mikael. This film is certainly European but it doesn’t feel like it’s trying to be European like some foreign films do, it feels natural, taking elements of Hollywood cinema and making them accessible to European audiences who are maybe more adjusted to more sophisticated work.
Following Lisbeth Salander, the mysterious black haired, Goth-looking millionaire as she comes back to Sweden to find herself in the middle of allegations she was the culprit of a journalist and his wife’s murder revolving around an article about human trafficking and prostitution. She is quickly spread around the press and media being the lead in the killings and goes on the run whilst at the same time being on the run from dangerous men who have been hired to kill her including a tall blonde guy who can’t feel any pain and some hidden people behind the scenes pulling the strings. She contacts Mikael to help her clear her name and he soon goes onto investigating who really did uncovering, well let’s say, it’s a good ending which you will properly see, and it doesn’t have the pay off of the first film’s twist but it’s decent.
A good film, not as great an impact as the first but it should be good to see how they end the whole saga, and if Mikael and Lisbeth will ever settle down or continue to be strangers but contact through internet piracy.
6/10
Simon Childs
The Goblet of Fire – Mike Newell
On to the next one and now the series starts to pick up steam, and punches you directly in the fucking face. FUCK YEAH! The Goblet of Fire, the hardcore adventure picture of the franchise where it sees Potter face off in a dangerous wizard tournament where death almost seems realistic. But it never is seeing as they are wizards who like 15, that would seem really cruel, oh wait, a kid does die, and it’s not just any fucking wizard, it’s Robert Pattinson he gets killed, it’s Edward Cullen coming into the world of wizard’s and getting done in. I love that scene, i could watch it over and over again, i know it’s meant to be sentimental and you feel sorry for what’s going on, but i loved every second, seeing Pattinson’s face as he got killed by none other than the shittest person in the whole franchise, Wormtail. Ron’s rat kills Edward Cullen. I would seriously have that on a t-shirt if i had the money, and have a picture of Wormtail and Cullen face to face or have a massive photo of Cedric Diggory’s face as he dies. FTW! The film is one of the coolest with fight scenes, dragons, underwater creatures, killer mazes, a bit of sexy loving, and a band. It’s the middle years of Hogwarts, where the hormones take control, and now you get to see the real teenagers as they act like normal people. Plus there’s even a weird paedophile like character in Mad Eye Moody who appears every so often to make the rest of the characters feel really uncomfortable. The acting has gotten better, it doesn’t detract away from the story or the plot, in fact, compared to past three films, the acting is a step above in Goblet, but it had to get better at some point. Sure the artistic style isn’t the same considering it is different directors with Mike Newell takes reign. You may know Mike Newell from directing Four Weddings and A Funeral. Yeah weird isn’t it, Newell directing this, he doesn’t seem have to have a back catalogue that really connected with the Potter films. But recently he did direct Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time which shows he loves a bit of money.
So the Goblet of Fire is pretty self contained, there are no massive cliff-hangers or changes to the characters, sure you have more Sirius Black and you have the full return of Lord Voldemort who we haven’t seen or heard of since good old Tom Riddle, but it wasn’t a game changer like Prisoner of Azkaban. The twist that the whole tournament was a way of getting Potter in the same place as Voldemort was really clever and you don’t realise it until right at the end, and i found it was one secret that worked really well and you never knew this was going to happen. The whole tournament was fun and entertaining, it felt like a canon film instead of being standalone, they really took what happened in the last film and amplified it. Like the relationships between Harry and Sirius, Harry and Dumbledore, Ron and Hermione, the interesting relationships we want to see more of. Having three wizards or four in this case battle it out in a tri-wizard tournament involving three different schools is great, having Victor Krum from the school of Viking wizards, Fleur Delacour who is from a French school of witches, who make the guys go hard, and the lovely Hogwarts. Cedric Diggory, the arrogant, smug bastard who has his hair in a certain way. He gets his later on, don’t you worry. And that’s pretty much the plot, having different challenges for these wizards to face leading to a standoff with Potter and Lord V.
It’s a great film, and it shows the right progression from Prisoner of Azkaban into a good place where the films are entertaining but at the same time tell the sad story where at some point either Harry Potter or Lord Voldemort will die. It’s going to happen sooner rather than later, but it’s the journey to that place that matters. The next film is the somewhat subdued The Order of the Phoenix which you can read all about next week!
Simon Childs
Resident Evil: Afterlife – Paul W.S. Anderson
Adapted from the very popular video game series Resident Evil, the latest instalment in the seemingly downtrodden franchise is Resident Evil: Afterlife. Not based on any of the games plots, this sees a totally unknown plot and canon that continues from the last Resident Evil film. They use the same characters and some of the same locations but it’s not really a Resident Evil-based film anymore and for that reason alone, this film is utterly pointless. Made to feed those violence-hungry audiences that love to look at shit getting killed but people flying through the air shooting everything in sight, it doesn’t have any plot, any script and any soul. It’s a money adventure that the studio has made because of the audience still going in masses to see it and i’m disappointed that audiences still want to see this. I would rather see an adaptation that sticks really close to the video games because they have wonderful plots and epic storylines that draw you in and then leave you wanting more. If you have played any of the video games you would also agree with this view, just think Resident Evil 4 as a real movie would be awesome, it has the feel of a great movie and has one of the best characters of the whole series: Chris Redfield. Redfield is also introduced into this film for the first time and like how the film is, they’ve done a terrible job. Chris Redfield is the ultimate male in the video games, strong, quick, intelligent and devilishly handsome, but in the film he’s cowardly and pointless and it shows they’ve thrown him in to please the fans.
Again starring Milla Jovovich as Alice who doesn’t appear in any of the video games after the last Resident Evil film we find that she is somewhat immortal and has now hundreds of clones at her disposal and in this latest film, the Alice clones go on a mission to kill the head of the Umbrella Corporation, Albert Wesker. Starting with a wonderful opening, it seems to go downhill from there with an underground base for Umbrella being attacked by the Alice clones on a mission to find and kill Wesker. The building is then blown up to kill the remaining clones and leaving the original Alice chasing Wesker. They then go on a hunt to find each other with Alice finding old friends along the way in the form of Claire Redfield and later on, Chris Redfield who must help her defeat Wesker and the zombies and monsters that attack them. It’s a pretty basic plot, very thin across the ground, and using the 3D technology they just want to throw some interesting shots and experiences at you rather than keep to the origins of what Resident Evil is, a horror film which is meant to scare you and make you jump, not once was i scared.
A pretty poor film with nothing in it to interest you until the end, sure it involves characters you may have played with but it still doesn’t make for the fact it’s not what Resident Evil is.
3/10
Simon Childs
Paranormal Activity 2 – Tod Williams
Having just seen this film mere minutes before i start this review, i must reveal that i’m still shell shocked from its effects and also the effects of the multitude of rum and cokes i have before the screening. Yes dear reader your reviewer is slightly drunk whilst reviewing this film, don’t worry, my judgement isn’t impaired nor is my spelling because of the wonderful Microsoft Word. This is the first time I’ll be doing this review under the influence and i hope it pays off. So Paranormal Activity 2, a sequel to the hugely successful Paranormal Activity which saw a small budgeted film make its way into cinemas and prove a hit with audiences worldwide due to its unusual style of using hidden cameras and strange pacing that kept the audiences hooked. Sure it wasn’t exciting for most of the film where only the last ten minutes scared the shit out of people, but it worked. The realness aspect of it really had an affect over people which saw many scream and shout out loud, which rarely happens for horror films nowadays. So the second instalment was green lit even before the release on DVD because the huge success, and using the characteristics of the first film and building upon it, here we are with Tod Williams attempt at grabbing the same audience and shaking them furiously again. And to put it bluntly, he fucking does it.
Not much is known about the plot, but i will reveal as much as i can, this is a prequel to the events of the first film and follows a family in a home which begins to get haunted by a spirit. The family has a newly born boy as they try to live with fear growing in their house. After a major mess happens in their house whilst away, the family install cameras in all of the rooms to see what might happen. What they find is not burglars but strange goings on. Doors opening and closing, pots falling onto the floor, strange voice, foreboding shadows, it has it all. But i must warn you, three sequences in particular even had me shouting out loud at how scary it is, one involving the kitchen, and two at the end involving a certain someone. I won’t reveal too much, but i’m sure you’ll enjoy the plot twists and turns it throws at you along the way.
A thrilling horror film for the modern age where over use of gore doesn’t scare, but realistic noises, visuals and the feeling that this could happen to any regular person and Paranormal Activity 2 pounces on those nights of hearing something downstairs, or having door open and close by themselves and defiantly makes you think of every occasion where you thought someone was behind you but really wasn’t. I highly recommend.
8/10
Simon Childs
The Walking Dead – Frank Darabont
The big Halloween weekend has come and gone and with the latest releases in the cinema, it seems as though one of the biggest things to have been on show was the new zombie drama from the States, The Walking Dead. Adapted from a popular graphic novel series, The Walking Dead sees the world savaged by zombies and a man in a small Texas town awakening to find himself in the middle of it. This does sound very similar to movies involving zombies like 28 Days Later and such but here it’s told in more heartfelt way and it should be interesting in the direction of how the character goes from being on his own to finding other survivors. Using influences from good zombie films like Dawn of the Dead, this could be one of the most entertaining shows in recent memory and hitting the screens at a great time where shows seem to become dull, well UK television that is, with Friday Night Lights, Boardwalk Empire and other massive shows in the US, you can see why we desperately need The Walking Dead broadcast soon. Hopefully it will be picked up by the BBC or FX which most of the time good programs from the US are picked up by. And by having a great legendary director and write Darabont take the reins for the beginning of the show makes sure it has a great foundation to build on, the guy made The Shawshank Redemption for god sake, and he deserves massive amounts of applause.
So let’s get down to the nitty gritty, The Walking Dead is about the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse and so far only a handful of characters have been introduced including the lead Rick Grimes, played by the brilliant British actor Andrew Lincoln who you may recognise from Love, Actually but more importantly, from the wonderful TV series Teachers. In the first episode, Grimes awakens to find that the world he lived in before has changed. He soon finds out that zombies now rule and luckily he runs into a father and his boy who are trying to survive and they tell him what’s happening. Grimes have a wife and child and after searching his home cannot find them. Later in the episode it is revealed that they are still alive and with a band of survivors who is lead by Grimes former work buddy, (as they were sheriffs before). Grimes after finding a deserted horse rides into the nearest big city to find thousands of the undead waiting to eat him. The suspense of the episode is great and you never quite know where it will lead to next. The ending is great too and leaves open some questions for the next episode.
A wonderful start for the series hopefully will pick up with more action, and considering it’s very violent, it will be a good thing. More decapitation and gore would really push this into fame.
7/10
Simon Childs
Red – Robert Schwentke
Based on a very famous graphic novel series, which i haven’t read, Red sees a group of retired but extremely dangerous people going on one last heave-ho to dispel the facts about being “out of the game”. That’s where RED comes from, Retired Extremely Dangerous, and it stars a wonderful array of stars, which would make The Expendables blush because of the quality. With leads from Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich, Helen Mirren and Brian Cox, it’s an epic line up which feels like a summer action film but released in October. It doesn’t quite fit and nor does the film. The feel of the film is something along the same lines of The Losers, over-the-top action, some great actors staring but it seems to be falling back on their past history, not pushing themselves into new heights like most comic books have done. And i think that’s the difference between a graphic novel and a comic book. A comic book has many series with one character, changing its form, its history and its future but with a graphic novel, just a small series with a linear narrative as their isn’t many copies of the same story but changed, there is only one. And with the images being the vivid and strange that is, it’s hard to get those images and place them into moving ones. Look at 300 and The Watchmen for instance, to try and stay close to the source material is crazy so the films come off jaded and feeling shallow. Red has the same error but luckily the shallowness doesn’t stop me from enjoying the film.
Following Frank Moses, an ex-CIA agent who after going into retirement is attacked by men who are openly trying to kill him and he goes on a search to find out who has been trying to kill him and if people who near back in the service are dead too. After finding a connection with a woman through phone calls, he goes to meet her and they soon find a bond which sees them going to find out how each of Frank’s friends are doing. With Mirren, Freeman, Malkovich and Cox providing interesting characters with Malkovich stealing every scene he is in. A quality actor who i could watch for hours and hours and he steals the show from Willis who is Bruce Willis, he doesn’t play anyone else and i enjoy him for that. Throw in action scenes, shoot outs, and interesting fight sequences and you’ve got a good action film for the summer, not great, but good. It does better than The Losers in not being too over the top and comical with its action but it does the job.
I enjoyed several aspects about the film but you will feel empty after watching it as it has nothing going for it. Oh and for the trekkie fans, the doctor McCoy is the villain. Yes, he actually plays it well.
6/10
Simon Childs
The Xcerts:
Murray Mcleod – Guitar/Vocals
Jordan Smith – Bass
Tom Heron – Drums
The Xcerts are a promising new indie band from Aberdeen. Since their formation in 2001, they have been making music that they describe as ‘distorted pop’ – a kind of music that blends the fun sound of mainstream indie with the crunch of heavier rock.
Their 2010 album, Scatterbrain, seamlessly plugs of the gap between faceless indie pop and carefree, edgy alt rock. This is perhaps best demonstrated by infectious yet frantic guitarwork of the lead single Slackerpop, and the atmospheric excess of the title track, Scatterbrain. While both songs are typically what you would expect from a band trying to appeal to a wide fanbase, it would be a mistake to say that The Xcerts’ only merit lies in having an ear for a catchy tune – there is enough quality and variation in the songwriting to mean that the disc is good for more than one spin, and the band remains credible enough for the most part to be more than just a guilty pleasure. The credit for this undoubtedly goes to guitarist Murray Mcleod, whose trademark guitarwork makes for the hook filled yet pleasantly heavy listening experience found in songs like Carnival Time or Hurt With Me. Perhaps the most noteworthy aspect of his playing is the ability to weave soft chords and leads into his rhythm playing to create a satisfyingly full sound, which is often a challenge for bands with no second guitarist. This edge is reinforced by his passionate, accented vocal delivery which owes as much to Brand New as it sounds like Biffy Clyro. Nevertheless, he proves to be a versatile vocalist, making use of screams and effects to add to the band’s heavier moments while retaining the influence of chart indie in his voice. This is best shown in the melancholic Distant Memories which contains several long, soft passages, allowing crooning to take precedence over the distorted screams of other songs.
Unfortunately the vocal style is not is not the only comparison to Brand New that can be made– one major criticism of the album is that many of the songs sound like they could reasonably have been b-side
s from the Daisy sessions – highlighting the band’s inability to merge their influences into a unique sound. This is perhaps most obvious in songs like Scatterbrain and He Sinks, He Sleeps - he could easily be mistaken for a Scottish Jessie Lacey in either.
Similarly, the bass playing of Jordan Smith follows this pattern. His use of overdrive at times lends a heavy nod to Brand New’s sound which does nothing to differentiate The Xcerts from their competition. It would good to hear him take the lead, as he does in Gum, which would add an extra dimension to the band’s overall sound. On the contrary, drummer Tom Heron’s contribution is powerful but dancey, reinforcing the band’s indie roots but emphasising a considerable rock influence, and perhaps should gain far more recognition for his work in the band than he does at present.
This album is remarkable in the way it manages to retain both a pop and heavy rock influence without compromising the positive aspects of either sound. As such it is a good album, showcasing an able band with plenty of potential. However this is all. The band has yet to carve themselves a niche (which doesn’t sound like Brand New) which will allow them to become more than just ‘promising youngersters.’
The Xcerts’ Scatterbrain – 3.5/5
Dan Stafford
The Prisoner of Azkaban – Alfonso Cuarón
Here the retrospective starts to get interesting as we hit the first film that really launched the series from being just a money making machine for children into a decent film series with great direction and taking the source material and making a piece of art. Cuaron’s direction here is sublime and you really feel the sense of danger and the pacing of the film that sets it off compared to the past two films. The first two films were the bases of the whole franchise, they needed to draw the audience and numbers in and then just make them purr with delight, here they take what they know and what they’ve seen and put into a bin. They abandon the traits of the first two and just make a really decent film that would be a standalone product. Of course using parts from the Chamber of Secrets like the location, the characters, the humour, but the art style, the editing, the camerawork, even the lighting here is darker and sleeker. More money being pumped into production? Perhaps. Writers finally figuring out to place the best parts into the film to please the fans? Maybe. Having a better director with a sense of style and flair that takes the best parts and moves them into a new starting level for the series? Defiantly. Also being one of my favourite books of the collection, the team have done well to keep to the source material, and when it’s the best, you kinda have to. The dark plot, the villains and the twists give it a fresh look and feel but at the same time still has the childish sensibility in its characters, placing mere children in great danger and somehow succeeding through growing intelligence and sometimes luck. Plus throw in one of the best characters of the whole series, Sirius Black, who may become your favourite too.
The plot is great compared to the standard and obtuse affair with the first two with the gang finding themselves being surrounded by Death Eaters, the dementors of the Harry Potter series, who literally suck the life out of you. A killer from the high-level security wizard prison Azkaban has escaped, and everyone is on high alert, considering his connection to being on the same side as Lord Voldemort. His connection to Harry is clouded in mystery in the beginning but by the end of it, you’ll realise his significance in the whole series. Along the way, he meets a new defence against the dark arts teacher, Remus Lupin, a friend of James Potter and the gang, who is also a werewolf. The end twenty minutes is wonderful, with a great twist and a great pace which never lets up. Everything leading up to it feels right, with Potter being both torn in how he is treated and how he wants to be treated. To be the boy who lived is a hard feat and to be famous for something he can’t undo is beginning to show. All of the main characters, and some sub characters show they sign of growth in hair and face, but the attitudes still hold the same. Harry still is lost in a world he only knew about two years ago, Ron is still picked on for his heritage and his hormones begin to trouble him, plus his jealously issues, and then we have Hermione, the know-it-all who is hell-bent on doing every class and succeeding whilst at the same time, having her friends back and saving their lives, on more than one occasion.
A great film with some great sequences and wonderful art direction, this is one of my favourites and probably is yours too, but don’t hold your horses just yet, as the action packed next film, The Goblet of Fire is one of the best all rounded piece of the series, so look forward to that soon.
Simon Childs
The Disappearance of Alice Creed – J Blakeson
An original idea sometimes comes rarely at the movies, with rehashed scripts and films that are either sequels, prequels, remakes or all of that jazz so when a film comes along with an idea they you may have not seen in a long time or something new entirely, it’s a breath of fresh air. Along with this, imagine it to be relatively interesting with some good performances and a good pace and you’ve got The Disappearance of Alice Creed. A British, thriller film starring the beautiful Gemma Arterton, and the surprisingly psycho and weird Martin Compston and Eddie Marsan who kidnap the wonderful Arterton. It’s a rare mix of excitement and terrifying to think if this really happened, what you would really do, you throw yourself into the main character role and imagine what you would do. Once i had seen the trailer, it did have me interested in how this would end up, and when it finally arrived on DVD, i knew i had to find it out and watch it. And thankfully, i was right, it’s a decent watch with a good story, it may be predictable where you think you’ll know where it will go and it does seem at times similar to other films you’ve seen but the way it’s shot and the script it gives it a push into a great British film. The performances will be remembered, and you’ll remember these actors who will probably go onto massive things like Arterton has done staring in Prince of Persia and The Clash of the Titans.
The plot revolves around Alice Creed, the girl from the title of the film who is kidnapped by Danny and Vic who use Alice to get a large amount of money from Alice’s father. But unfortunately the plan doesn’t quite go to plan with Danny and Alice having a past even though Vic and Danny are lovers. It’s complicated but in a good way in how these relationships unfolds throughout the film through little instances. Starring only three people, each character is fleshed out well through small mannerisms and the detail there is very cool and you’ll notice the looks, the little movement patterns and you’ll appreciate it. All set in one flat, the grimy look of the flat works well with the story and some of the actions that Alice is made to do will make you squirm in your seat.
Don’t watch with loved ones, there are sex scenes and nudity. It will make you feel uncomfortable. I will now, every film i review give you a heads up if it’s okay to watch with family or not, because i hate when films just pop up with a rape scene or something worse. It ruins the mood. And i’m looking at you, The Pacific!
7/10
Simon Childs
Fanboys – Kyle Newman
The original trilogy of the famous Space Opera epic Star Wars has induced some of the best memories for many people from wearing the ridiculous outfits at Halloween to watching the films in a marathon night drinking away with friends. We all have our favourite bits and favourite characters; some may know certain lines or sequences in particularly. But i promise you, everyone enjoys Star Wars episodes 4 to 6. It’s a shame that can’t be said for episodes 1 to 3, the new trilogy. Featuring some of the worst acting, the worst action sequences and a large amount of off putting CGI effects, it lost its heart whilst stabbing the old fans in the back. Many of you may say that Revenge of the Sith was much better than the rest, and i totally agree but it’s nowhere near the quality of the original trilogy. And some of the memories are bad such as Jar-Jar Binks, the “death” like figure who came into the film and touched stuff which instantly made it shit. Or you could blame Lucas for thinking of money or profit and many other reasons. But looking at the excitement of the Star Wars clan making a new film about the franchise, many were hungry to find out more about the characters we love and to know about the origins of some of them. So here we are. Fanboys, a film about a group of friends who go on a trek to Lucas’s home to find an early copy of Phantom Menace. Throw in great comedic characters, some awesome Star Wars references, strange but hilarious cameos and a multi-character job by Seth Rogen, and you’ve got a great funny but hearty film about friendship without being too over-the-top.
Following the story of Eric, Linus, Hutch, Windows and Zoe as they take a trip across the country towards the Skywalker ranch to watch The Phantom Menace early copy. Eric, following given his Father’s car lot business and turning into an adult decides to join Linus, Hutch and Windows as they pull together to plan the trip because of Linus being diagnosed by cancer. Along the way Zoe and Windows realise their romance whilst they hopelessly make it to Skywalker ranch. Throw in loads of cameos from Carrie Fisher and Billy Dee Williams from the original Star Wars films that will make you laugh along with well known actors and celebrities such as Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith, Danny R. McBride, Ray Park, Craig Robinson, Ethan Suplee, Lou Taylor Pucci, Will Forte, Danny Trejo and William Shatner, all contributing to a hilarious film that deserves your viewing.
And even having Seth Rogen play a couple of characters, he really shows how funny he can be just tearing up scenes and going along with the costumes and make up he’s clearly been made to wear. Defiantly a good watch with friends which will make you remember those Star Wars moments.
7/10
Simon Childs
The Killer Inside Me – Michael Winterbottom
A film that appears in your face ready to punch you the fuck out, The Killer Inside Me is pure brutality, some realistic shit that just goes to show what a human is capable of. Starting off quite innocently, it slowly turns into something entirely different, which will catch you off guard but it may sway you to turn it off. And i recommend you do, it’s a horrible, over-the-top murderous film where rape and the beating of woman are justified because a man had a bad upbringing and he may be a little unsettled. It has some decent performances but because of how dark and low the film continually is, there’s no hope, just darkness. Directed by the famous Michael Winterbottom, a man not shy from showing honest and truthful stories, a man remembered for the film, 9 Songs showing real sexual intercourse, here Winterbottom explores the human mind through violence and sexuality. But this seems he’s Hollywood start of his career, mostly making British films before to smaller audiences, it seems as though this was his break through effort and sadly it doesn’t work. As mentioned before, the performances are okay, with Casey Affleck being stone cold fucking strange, as creepy as he slowly progresses through the film covering up his mistakes.
Casey Affleck plays Sheriff Lou Ford in a small Texas town where he seems to lead a very normal and boring life until his, what he calls, “sickness” reappears which leads to Ford becoming a sociopath, killing and raping anyone who gets in his way. Through the use of flashbacks, we see where this illness comes from, where the fucked up childhood might have had something to do with it. Along the way, the more he kills and rapes, the more he must cover up leading to leaks and suspicions about his behaviour. The film steadily builds up, throwing more tension and more anguish when all i really want is the film to end and for Ford to be killed. It’s only rare i want this to happen, but here, i want it to happen within the first 20 minutes of the film. Just someone kill him, please!
It lacks heart and soul which literally slowly takes away from yours, only watch in a depressing mood and don’t watch with loved ones or on a date. It will ruin any relationship you have. I promise!
3/10
Simon Childs
Death at a Funeral – Neil LaBute
Staring a cluster fuck of actors and comedians, Death at a Funeral appears using the same mentality of the film that i had reviewed before named Grown Ups; stick a few names and faces you recognise into the most boring story with a boring script and people will just see it for the names. And it doesn’t work. This film is horribly not funny, a filler film you’ll see in bins in supermarkets at the price of £3. And this will happen probably in the next couple of weeks, even though it’s just come out. I’m a massive fan of Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence and Tracy Morgan, all for different reasons, but here, they are underused, they are given a shit script to work from, the ad-libbing isn’t comfortable enough and their presence just seems to be about money. Directed by a complete unknown, and throw in a couple more cameos from Zoe Saldana, who is a pretty fucking good actress, who stole the show in Avatar, Luke Wilson, a favourite of mine in pictures by Wes Anderson, Danny Glover who is fucking Danny Glover and a few other people that you may know, this film sucks. Clearly made by the same studio that created the Adam Sandler suck fest Grown Ups don’t spend your money watching this or even waste your time watching it.
Because of my clear hatred of the film, here is a little lazy writing by taking the plot from the famous site Wikipedia, who describe it in such an enthusiastic way. The film revolves around the funeral ceremony for the father of Aaron (Chris Rock) and Ryan (Martin Lawrence). Aaron, the older son, lives with his wife Michelle at his parent's home. Aaron envies Ryan because Ryan is a successful writer, while he has not had his novel published, and resents his brother. Elaine (Zoe Saldana) and her fiancé Oscar (James Marsden) are on their way to pick up her brother Jeff (Columbus Short) before heading to the funeral. To ease Oscar's nerves, she gives him what she believes is Valium. Jeff later reveals to Elaine that it is actually a hallucinogenic drug he's concocted for his friend. Aaron is approached by an unknown guest, a little person named Frank (Peter Dinklage), who reveals him to be the secret lover of his deceased father. Frank shows Aaron photos as proof and threatens to reveal them to Aaron's mother unless he is paid $30,000. Comedy ensues.
Don’t go see this film or even waste your time thinking about it.
2/10
Simon Childs
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets – Chris Columbus
Hello! Ready for another slice of Potter? Can’t get enough of that four eyes dork? Can’t get enough of the little bits you may have missed out on or the sexual based jokes that i unload onto your face? Not the jokes? Okay, well I’ll try to skim on those for you a little. But any who, back on track, here is the second in the series. The Chamber of Secrets. Even the name is lame. This film is my least favourite so excuse me as i either rip into the film or not even waste time writing enough about it compared to the first and compared to the next in the series which is one of my personal favourites. So Chamber of Secrets released one year after the first film, you’ll see that these two have the same style as they are directed by Chris Columbus and filmed back to back. It shows. The actors haven’t grown that much, they still feel jaded and not really there. Especially Potter. Who again, was using his 4 face range to make nearly every scene cringe worthy. But one shining star who will instantly make you happy in the pants, RON WEASLEY! Yes the ginger ninja is back and with more capers and jokes that will make you laugh no end, especially if your 20 years old and a university student. It just captures your imagination and runs with it. So the film tries a new direction, instead of being cute and cuddly, it goes dark, not like The Dark Knight dark, but dark enough. A big fuck off Snake, big fuck off spiders, a phoenix who carries a talking hat who holds a big sword, a flying car, some broken limbs. It’s all going off. Unfortunately, it’s boring as life itself, I’d have more fun watching paint dry then to continue to watch Radcliffe stumble into every scene and gaze unhappily at whatever is going on. Even Hermione is growing to annoy me, always being right, and never changing her hair. AHHH!
The plot follows the misadventures of Harry Potter as he tries to get laid in the years of college, someone gives him the idea of using a pie for masturbation and the scene where he sticks his...oh wait, sorry, i was describing American Pie. My bad. Chamber of Secrets, opens with the same relatives house that Potter once lived in under the stairs, now he has his own room but is continually abused by the family. After a strange visit from a house elf named Dobby, Potter escapes with Ron’s help and a flying car to go to the Weasley’s house to stay over in the summer until boarding time. Some capers ensue where the boys must fly the car to Hogwarts after a portal not working and after meeting the new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher Professor Lockhart, who seems to be very arrogant about his looks, but he does attract the ladies. The comedy capers aside, more stranger goings on occur in the school with Potter uncovering a serious of “frightenings” where people are being stopped cold in their tracks causing them to go into a coma state, and Potter and co go on the adventure to find out who. Along the way, more talk about Potter and his family’s past are thrown up revealing little bits about him and who he is. The big climax sees Potter facing off against a giant snake who is working for Voldemort under the guide Tom Riddle who was found in a book planted to Ginny Weasley, Ron’s little sister. All the secrets are revealed and the snake and Harry face off, Potter wins and the school is save again. But the next film, that’s where shit really goes down.
This film is utterly boring, even though it has mega spiders, mega snakes and other some shit, but it just seems forced. It seems like it’s trying way too hard. Plus it’s a kid’s film, it would surely scare the shit out of them. I know i would be having nightmares if i had to watch the film at night, wondering if massive spiders will come and eat my eyes out. But i have nothing funny to comment on the film about because it doesn’t allow me to. It just bores me into sleep that i really wanted to skip this film altogether and get to Prisoner of Azkaban which will be the film I’ll be looking at next time. And trust me, it’s a belter.
Simon Childs
Harry Potter and The Philosophy’s Stone – Chris Columbus
Welcome to the first of the series where we look back at the wonderful film franchise that is, Harry Potter. And try to say the name without using Snape’s or Voldemort’s voice. It’s quite difficult. But anyway back to the retrospective of the young wizard’s journey from being a little boy into being a little taller boy. Not much of transition compared to others in the film, Potter doesn’t grow balls until the fourth or fifth film and by then Ron Weasley is having his licked. Don’t worry, sick jokes like those will be thrown in for fun, so the next time you watch a Harry Potter film you’ll be thinking of some parts you may have missed or just didn’t want to think about. Starting with the 2001 epic that is The Philosophy’s Stone, strangely named The Sorcerer’s Stone in the US because of them not understand what a Philosophy is, and it marks the beginning of a trend. Released in November, for the next couple of years, with a year in between, the films would be released in the Christmas period where kids are off from school and the parents can take them. This proves to be great strategy with millions, billions even, going to see these films every time. And with the film being set at a snowy castle in the middle of forests and a lake, its winter feel is a great match for the colder and darker times of the year. A great memory of mine, being 12 and going with my mum to go see the first film and loving it and from then on, having a tradition to see the films with my family, it’s just a given, it may seem childish and sad but fuck it, not many other films you can have the bond with. And with two films still to be released, i shall cherish those moments and secretly miss them when they stop making the Potter films.
Let’s begin with the plot, with a young boy named Harry Potter, his real parents Lily and James both killed in a murder by a man named Lord Voldemort, or He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and Potter s then taken to live with relatives named the Dursleys. He isn’t treated the same, with living underneath the stairs and being a slave to the family. But after his 11th birthday, he is sent a letter that turns his world upside down. He is revealed to be a wizard and that he will be attending Hogwarts School of Wizards and Witches in a few weeks time. He is then picked up by the giant named Hagrid who saves him and helps him collect his school equipment. After reading the train to Hogwarts from platform 9 ¾ he meets Ron Weasley, a ginger boy also going to the school, along with the uptight and very talented Hermione Granger, and the three of them form a friendship that will last the entirety of the film and more. After being placed into his house, Gryffindor, he meets more wizards like his teachers, Albus Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall, Professor Snape and Professor Quirrell. He learns that he has a natural ability for the Wizard game called Quidditch and becomes a member of Gryffindor’s team. The three of them soon find themselves uncovering a secret in the castle where a large dog guards a door leading into a secret area. A stone that Harry first saw with Hagrid under much debate and after a troll attack which the three of them fight off, they go in search of clues. The answer leads to Snape who seems to be hiding something underneath that dog and after going past it, defeating a massive chess game and other challenges, it is revealed that the killer of Harry’s parents lives, Lord Voldemort and is a part of Professor Quirrell who is the culprit all along. They fight and Voldemort is somewhat defeated. Everything goes back to the normal and you have yourself a cheesy ending to go with it too.
The film is a childfest with jokes aimed at them and acting that just screams amateur hour but you have to take credit for it as it is acted by 11 year olds and a film about wizards. You can’t be that harsh, but what the hell, that’s what i’m here for. Just watch Daniel Radcliffe’s facial expressions (Harry Potter) in every scene and you’ll see he has 4 stock faces: scared, sad, happy and expressionless. There are no other faces he makes, just those. It’s really weird and strange. I paused the film over 10 times just to laugh at some of the expressions made. Also another thing you might want to pick up on, the music. Two points where the music is quality, especially the chess scene where it really gets into your head. I know it’s a child’s film and it’s aimed at them, but it’s laughable in parts and it’s different compared to the rest, but we’ll talk about that some other time. For now, that was part 1 in the retrospective. Look at next time for part 2, The Chamber of Secrets.
Simon Childs
Mother – Bong Joon-Ho
A film conceived in the deepest region of someone’s imagination which seems to have been pummelled with strange images and unusual influences, Mother, the latest piece from the South Korean auteur Bong Joon-Ho, famous for The Host. I was really looking forward to this as I’m a massive fan of The Host, a really underrated film that’s reminiscent of the Hollywood Sci-Fi flick but bases itself on South Korean black comedy and style. It’s a great mix and a really entertaining watch, and once i saw the trailer for Mother, i saw it to be a bit different to what i was expecting. It’s a thriller about a mother trying to get her son out of jail for murder, which he didn’t commit. It’s a simple premise but done in such a strange way that the humour is almost primary and the story is secondary. And the humour is very dark, a certain type that only certain audiences will appreciate. The style is great, don’t get me wrong, i love the camera movement, the shot types and the cinematography, it elopes sadness and despair the Mother character is feeling about her only son.
As mentioned above, the story tells of an unnamed widow living with her son, selling medicine and giving out “illegal” acupuncture after not being licensed. After an eventful night, the son, Do-Joon, finds himself in the middle of a murder scene with a girl was strangled to death. After having no evidence to say where he was at the time of the murder, he is wrongfully placed into custody awaiting a trial. His mother meanwhile goes on a quest to find answers into who really did and uncover some strange goings on in the small town. She covers the whole town asking people and even upsetting a few along the way. It’s a good premise told in an unusual way which you might enjoy but i found myself becoming bored very quickly. I think it may be because of the pacing, it’s off, and you’ll notice it very early on.
I recommend seeing The Host and possibly skipping Mother, sure it’s good in places and it has great flair and style from a director, who will become a massive success, but it’s just not entertaining enough to hold your attention, it’s almost like watching it just because it’s made by the famous director or because it’s “different”.
4/10
Simon Childs
Bad Lieutenant – Werner Herzog
The name, the look, the marketing all pointed towards a horrible, straight-to-DVD piece of shit that wouldn’t deserve any praise or audience to love but Werner Herzog’s new film Bad Lieutenant surprises you on many levels and shows that you can’t judge a Nic Cage movie by its...well, it’s Nic Cage. The rubbish poster for the film is littered with great quotes of how surprisingly good the film is but in an unusual way where you’ll try to want to pin point why this film is good and why it’s a great performance from Nic Cage. Nic Cage at the moment seems to have a vendetta against everyone who calls him out for his shocking performances and his horrible hair, but lately he’s been shouting up the critics with some ranged and amazing performances including Kick-Ass and this film. Here he shows his freedom to take a role that probably didn’t have much and take it to the next level, one where you’ll remember him here for his badass-ness. Sure his hair looks a mess and sure he may lack the certain charm he used to have, but Nic Cage is mother fucking Nic Cage, that dude just is awesome. The story just uses his awesomeness to further the fact how fucking cool he is. Nic Cage plays Nic Cage as a police lieutenant who breaks the rules by sleeping with prostitutes, being heavily involved with all sorts of drugs and with making deals with gang leaders. You’ll want to see this film just for him.
The epic story shows Terrence, a New Orleans Police Sergeant, addicted to pain meds which leads to being addicted to heavy drugs such as cocaine and heroin, he is assigned to a murder case that involve immigrants from Senegal who end up being killed because of drug leaders in the local neighbourhoods. Along with the murder case, Terrence also sees himself in the middle of trouble with a bookie that he owes money to, along with a relationship with a prostitute that leads to double cross of a very popular and influential man and Terrence soon turns to his dysfunctional family who also throw him some problems. A lot is going on but it never seems too much to take and is a welcome return for a film to be packed of action and adventure and not to slow down. The humour is dark, the acting is sublime and the whole film just is very entertaining on a basic level.
Nic Cage makes this film worthwhile is watch alone, along with the fact that it’s a very well written story told in an artistic and stylised way.
7/10
Simon Childs
The Social Network – David Fincher
Sitting down at the local cinema by myself at 9 in the evening, a lovely feeling whilst chewing on some sweet popcorn and some 7up, i notice the crowd that starts to form around me in the small theatre. Annoying couples and strangely older people litter the sits as the show begins which takes me by surprise. Not the annoying couples part, they are a given for cinemas nowadays with people being way too openly affectionate in public, it actually angers and annoy me; there is no need to act that way. I was surprised by the age of the people who have come to see a film about a modern website on a tool that is normally used by people under the age of 40. Facebook. You shiver when you hear that word if you don’t use it because you probably don’t use it for a reason because so many people use it and you laugh when people mention it because you have it and it’s used way too much. People easily older than 40 were there and not just a handful but made up a large amount of the crowd. Maybe they’ve come to see the legendary director David Fincher’s latest released or maybe they are big fans of Trent Raznor, the lead singer of Nine Inch Nails who composed the soundtrack or maybe they are fans of the acting of Jesse Eisenberg? I’ll never know. But, all of these factors lead to the whole cinema (well maybe I’m just presuming) having a great night, as The Social Network is a beautifully witty film that packs the punch with both great dialogue and some superb performances.
Following the heart breaking and betrayal origins story of the website Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, who is known to be the face and owner of Facebook, creates a website with some help but soon tries to get rid of that “with help” label to gain more money. The main plot of the film is the relationship between Zuckerberg and Eduardo Saverin, who was a good friend of Zuckerberg who gave him codes and more importantly, gave him money for the website. The relationship is constantly strained throughout and with a great use of flashbacks, the story flips from being in modern time and to being at the beginning of the creation. Through in some really funny sequences with two geeks trying to deal with the pressure of being known on their campus and having people who dig their work and Jesse Eisenberg and Andrew Garfield are perfect in the two roles with Garfield particularly stealing the show. I really am looking forward to him being the new Spider-Man. Justin Timberlake also holds up and comes across as a dick which he is meant to be, so the whole ensemble cast works really well with the deep soundtrack with the weird and wonderful sounds which connect with the fantastic direction of Fincher who’s long shots of the setting with great angles and lighting. This film is truly a great film, don’t believe the negativity placed onto to this film because of the subject matter.
9/10
Simon Childs
REC 2 – Jaume Balaguero & Paco Plaza
Following on from the successful and different horror film from 2007, REC, this sequel is literally following on mere minutes from the events of the last film and doesn’t stop with the relentless tale of infection and killing. Full of blood and guts with hell lots of suspense and creepy settings, REC 2, the Spanish horror film using a new technique of filming, using shaky camerawork to try to emulate the feeling of being homemade, similar to The Blair Witch Project. Using that same technique, the directors have created a claustrophobic, tense zombie film that really puts you in the shoes of the survivors who are trying to escape or figure out what’s going on. With the sequel, supernatural explanations are used to describe what’s really going on in the block of flats, the same setting as the first film, with a disease that was manmade being passed down to small children who are then grown in a small laboratory in the penthouse of the building. It all sounds a little farfetched, true, but it’s clever in its description of it, in how it explains the how process and why this occurred. I won’t give away the whole surprised or give away too much, but the ending feels right, and with the film only being just over an hour long, it feels like it doesn’t get too ahead of itself with using the gimmick for too long. Also it uses a new technique in having multiple cameras with different people to cut from one to the other. It’s a good way of forwarding the story and not becoming repetitive of some of the material we’ve seen before.
With a new set of characters involving a government agent and a couple of swat team members, they bowl into the hell hole of death and try to find the virus and find out more information, leading to them finding out more information about the birth of the virus. A couple of twists later and half way through the film new characters are involved with a group of teenagers who break into the house along with a concerning father and a local fireman. It all ends horribly for some of them, not all of them. I won’t give away what happens but it’s a decent twist which ends nicely from both films. Watching both back to back might be a good experience if you haven’t seen either yet, it might show the whole picture. It should be fun to see what they do next with the franchise, which i know Quarantine is pretty much a rip off of, but will there be REC 3 or will it get too stale?
7/10
Simon Childs
Fifa 2011 – PS3, Xbox 360, Wii and PC
The greatest video game sports franchise returns with the latest incarnation possibly being the best ever produced, or, depending on your school of thought, this may not be your cup of tea. Forever in a tussle over the top sport with the former perfected football series Pro Evolution Soccer, these two formidable opponents have defiantly changed over the last couple of entries into their series with myself being a huge fan of PES up until i found my love for Fifa in Fifa 09. Since then, the last couple of years Fifa have unleashed the best football game in Fifa 10, a game i still play to this very day that combines the exciting nature of football along with the pick up and play aspect which gives it hours of fun with friends or with people around the world online. PES was the foundations for both of the games, creating a game that blew Fifa out of the water, creating a realistic, fun, serious attempt at a football game with combining the players who we want to play as with the grandeur of the event, in big stadiums, massive crowds and spectatorship that could very be beaten. That is until Fifa finally upped their game into creating a more serious contender with life like animations, a huge amount of real licenses of teams and leagues, along with different modes including Become a Pro and the Manager Mode and having a seriously addictive online section which was easy to use and made you within seconds of playing someone from half way around the world. And this year’s addition only takes these aspects and times them by 10 in quality.
Fifa 11, a game which seems to put PES to rest, finally, with its improved visuals with the changing of character builds where players who are slow or tall or small or skinny will act they do in real life with Crouch being great in the air but not being very fast, where Walcott is skinny being able to run very quickly but his control not being great. It’s just very detailed in how players are affected by their stats. EA use different names for their creations into how the players move and react in the game, but for someone who doesn’t normally know about video games and the termology, it just means they put a lot of effort into the individual player animations and spent time looking at the real movements of players. Along with the improved player physics, the modes have been simplified with the Manager mode now changing to include three different types with either you being a manager, a player or a player/manager, meaning that Becoming a Pro and Manager Mode have joined together to create an easy, enjoyable experience which sure is not the same as Master League from PES but it holds its own. Along with this, the online features have kept the same, and with them always being at an excellent level, you don’t need to change it. Presentation wise, it’s smoother and less jarring than before. The audio set up is much cooler, being able to put your own music into the game along with chants and things you would hear during the game. It makes for a lot of fun.
You’ll find yourself playing for hours with the game with friends or in different modes. It truly is a perfect game, sure it has improved its difficultly, making the game a lot slower but more realistic to the real game, where a 40 yard pass doesn’t always work. It will take a little while to get used to the new system but you’ll soon find a ten pass move will feel much more rewarding in the end when you score against a friend who keeps giving you stick about how your predictable. I don’t see the game improving much, maybe in terms of graphics when it moves to a new console or having lower league team’s players look aesthetically more pleasing.
9/10
Simon Childs
The Girl Who Played With Fire – Stieg Larsson
